#at some point they add in rocks and stuff you have to actually walk around though so clownboi here im pretty sure was the laast one

[samandcolbyownme]

New Jersey Devil(s)

Summary: Y/n joins Sam and Colby on their investigation in the most haunted forest of America, the Pine Barrens, and they just so happen to be her boyfriends and try to keep everything off camera.

Warnings: some SMUT18+, non-penetrating, reader getting fingered and eaten out, some dirty talk, lots of fluff and ghost/investigation stuff

Disclaimer: this is based off of their video for the New Jersey devil, and I'm writing it as if you are apart of the group. I will add some things that did not happen, just to make the one shot better and there will be quick and dirty parts as well. This is going to be a longer one shot. Enjoy it.

Word Count: 10.3k |Not edited

╔═══━━━─── • ───━━━═══╗

You're sitting in the back of the car, staring out the window until you feel a hand slide onto your knee. You glance down, smiling when you see the rings, knowing it's Colby's hand.

"You okay?" He looks back at you over the seat and you nod, "Yeah, not a big fan of woods, but it's fine."

Sam looks back at you from the drivers seat, "Do you want to do this?" You laugh slightly, "We're already in Jersey and I really don't want to sit in the car alone."

Colby squeezes your knee, "You know at any time if you want to stop, we'll stop. Just let us know." You lay a hand on his, "Thank you."

"So Batsto Mansion first?" Sam asks looking at Colby.

"Yeah, I think we should stop there and then go to the diner." Colby takes his hand away and grabs his phone, pulling it up, "Oh dude we're so close to it already.

You were excited, you loved being with them no matter what you were doing.

Colby opens the door for you and you climb out. He pins you to the car after he shuts the door, "You sure you wanna do this?"

You nod, "I do. Now, stop it before you make the other one jealous." You smirk slightly and lay a finger on his lips. Colby whines slightly, "Just one kiss before the cameras start rolling?"

You sigh, "Fine. But just one."

Colby grabs your face and presses his lips to yours as Sam shuts the trunk, "Whoa, hey. What's going on here?" You pull away from Colby, "I was just, you know. Giving you guys each a kiss before we start filming."

Sam smirks slightly and nods, "Uh huh."

You pull him in for a kiss by gently pressing your lips to his, "Now. Let's go do whatever it is we need to do."

Colby smirks and shakes his head at Sam who does the same thing. You get under their skin but in the best way possible.

"Ready?" Sam asks as he gets the camera ready.

You and Colby nod and Sam click it on after he sets it down on something, "We are here at what is considered the most haunted forest in the United States." He pauses for a moment, "Thousands of actual sighting have seen this devil looking creature."

As soon as he said the last few words, a chill went down your spine, "Whoa." You turn around and look at Sam, "Sam, just as you said the last three words, I got an instant chill."

Sam looks at Colby, "Shit." Colby shakes his head, "This is going to be interesting." Sam looks back into the camera to continue talking for a few moments before picking up the camera and pointing it on Colby.

"This is the Batsto Mansion, apparently the Jersey devil has been rumored to be roaming around these areas and if you look-"

As Sam is recording Colby, you take his hand into yours and he looks over at you with a smile.

"The Batsto mansion." Sam repeated and that causes them to repeatedly say the name over and over again while laughing.

As we walk up, Colby suddenly jumps back yelling. Sam jumps pushing you slightly, "Yo what the fuck was that?"

Sam lays a hand on your back, "Sorry I didn't mean to shove you." You laugh and bat the air as you walk over to Colby who lifts up the rock.

"Ah, gonna catch some critters tonight." Sam says laughing. You lean over to look and Colby jumps at you doing a slightly loud "rahh."

"Ah, fucking hell." You scream and lay a hand on your chest, "Don't do that to me." You glare up at him and he laughs, "Sorry, sorry."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

"Ready?" Colby looks at you then Sam. You nod and Sam gives a thumbs up, "We're all just friends remember."

You nod, "Got it covered." You stand there with your hands clasped together behind your back and smile as Colby does their intro.

"What's up guys, it's Sam and Colby, and today,  we have y/n with us to help catch us a sighting of the Jersey Devil for another episode of Hell Week!"

You all scream and Sam sighs, "So as we said in the video before, we're here at what is considered to be the most haunted forest in the United States because the freaking devil lives here, like no joke.."

"Not Bigfoot.." Colby chimes in and it makes you laugh, "But the devil himself roams these woods."

Sam goes on to explain the terrain and everything about it, and you catch yourself giving him a loving stare so you look behind you.

"Y/n, do you want to tell the people what we are doing tonight." You eyebrow twitches and you hide your smirk the best you can, "We have a campsite that is deep in these woods. I don't know how they talked me into doing this, but I'm here for it."

You know why you're there.

"So like, this thing looks like a stupid version of charzard, basically, right?" Colby asks as he looks at Sam, and he nods, "Yeah, like a big goofy version of Charzard."

Sam continues talking, going about the intro to the video.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

As you're walking around the empty village, Colby explains that the the devil is half horse and then Sam turns the camera around so it faces all of us, "We got an interview with someone who's basically an expert, who has lived here for sixty plus years and knows all about the pine barrens. So let's go get that."

He finger guns to the camera and puts his palm to it and cuts it off.

"Did you actually feel a chill earlier?" Colby looks at you and lays a hand on your arm, "Like was there anything else or-"

You shrug, "I didn't feel that chill until Sam said those three words. It was weird, almost like.. you know how when I lightly drag my nails up your back and you get that chilly tickle thing that happens?" You pause and wait for him to nod, "That's what it felt like, but a lot colder."

"That's fucking.. weird wow." Sam shakes his head, "Are you ready to go meet this guy?"

You and Colby both agree and off to the diner you go.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

"So this guys name is Paul, and I'm actually really excited to talk to him." Colby says looking over at Sam. Sam nods as he parks the car, "I'm ready to hear what he has to say."

You lean up from the middle seat in the back, "I'm just making it known now, that if we see this fucking devil thing, I'm sprinting the other way."

They both laugh and Colby reaches up to grip your chin with his thumb and rests the side of his pointer under your chin, "You are so cute."

You lick your lips, "I know, we're on a mission and all right now, and this is probably bad timing but.." you pause as you see Sam smile.

"What?" You ask tilting your head at him. He chuckles slightly, "I know where this is going."

"Where's it going, Mr. Golbach?" You ask with a smirk and he just shakes his head, "Well take care of you in a little bit, babe."

Colby picks up instantly and he leans in, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek, "Anything for our girl."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

"Hey, how's it going, I'm Sam." Sam shakes his hand and Colby does the same as he introduces himself. You step up, "I'm y/n." You smile and shake his hand.

You all sit down at the table, you in between Sam and Colby of course, and the guy sitting across from you, introduces himself as Sam continues recording.

"My name is Paul Evans Pedersen Jr, and this is the Legendary Pine Barrens.." Paul continues to talk about the book, keeping your attention the entire time.

As you're sitting there, talking to Paul, who's now giving you his backstory, you kind of start to feel dizzy.

Sam notices and leans in slightly, "What's going on? Are you alright, y/n?"

You're Sam and Colby's girlfriend, so of course they're going to care, but you all agreed to pretend like you aren't when the camera is rolling, so they play it cool. Colby slides his water over to you, "Dizzy?"

You nod, "Yeah, yeah. It's gone now though."

Paul stops talking and looks at you, "Can she feel spirits?" You look up at him, "Something like that."

"She'll come in handy." He wags his finger at you and you notice Sam and Colby trying to hide their smirks, "Yeah." Sam nods, "She is a big help."

"So it's one point one million acres of nothing but forest." Paul continues, "but the cool thing about the pine barrens, is that where you're gonna be, there's no people for square miles."

You sit up a little straighter and Colby's eyes move onto you. A smirk slowly grows on his face before he clears his throat and Sam moves the camera onto Colby, "so like pitching tents, is that, will that be easy to do?"

Paul nods, "As long as you have long stakes, you'll be fine. Oh and another thing, you don't want to go off road."

"So what you're saying is, every turn is a wrong turn?" Sam points to the camera on you and you laugh slightly, "That's what I'm picking up."

Paul laughs and shrugs as he grabs his drink, "You could have a really long night."

As the conversation goes on, you can't help but watch Colby as he talks. His hands and his rings, oof, you need his fingers in you soon.

Your eyes move over to Sam, who's intently listening to Paul and Colby talk, and you can't help but focus on his lips as he smiles and laughs.

You have no idea why you're so turned on right now, but you need him between your legs, somehow.

"So what does this thing sound like?" You lean forward and Sam pits the camera on you, "Like, a screeching sound?" You try to imitate a screech and Sam and Colby laugh, which makes them fall deeper in love with you.

"So like a blood curdling scream?" Sam asks and Paul nods, "Oh yeah." He goes on to tell his personal experiences answering questions, giving advice on what to do and what not to do, and then soon enough, you guys are ready to go out on your own.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

As you get back into the car, you lean forward between them. Sam looks over at you slightly and Colby leans forward out to look at Sam, "I can take care of her now, then you can take care of her later?"

Sam licks his lips, trying to hide his jealousy, "Fine."

You smirk and lean back into the seat, spreading your legs slightly as Sam starts to drive, "Let's get out of here first."

After a few minutes a drive, Colby climbs over the seat and makes his way next to you. You look up at Sam who smirks, "Treat our girl good."

You feel Colby grip your chin and turn your head to face him. He smirk and raise his eyebrows quick, "You know I always do."

You look from his eyes to his lips, leaning forward to connect yours with his. His hand slides down to your hips, pulling you closer to him.

You reach down, undoing your jeans as Colby kisses down your neck. You shuffle your jeans down mid thigh and grab his hand, pulling to where you're aching to be touched the most.

"Eager little thing, aren't we?" He chuckles as he pushes his fingers in past your panties and slowly pushes them against your clit.

You gasp and whimper, "Please." You lay a hand on his shoulder and tilt your head back as he slips his fingers into your pussy.

"She's soaked, Sam." Colby says looking up at him. Sam tilts his head, "When is she not?" He smirks slightly as you open your eyes and look at him, causing a smirk to grown on your lip.

Colby curls his fingers, as he leans in to kiss your neck, "Cum for us, baby girl." His voice is low, "Is that what you want to do?"

You nod, "Yes, Colby."

"Gotta hurry. Almost here." Sam says as he glances back at you in the rearview, watching your face twitch with the pleasure that Colby is giving you.

Your hand grabs Sam's seat, digging your nails into the interior as Colby guides you along to orgasm, "You got this, baby. Cum for us."

You arch your back against the seat, whimpering as you clench his fingers with the walls of your needy cunt, "S-shit."

"There ya go." Colby breathes out, continuing to fuck you through your high, "You good for now?" He slowly pulls his fingers out and you bite your lip as you nod, leaning forward to take his fingers into your mouth.

He gasps slightly as he watches you lick his fingers clean. The car comes to a stop right outside of where you guys are going, so you take that opportunity to lean up and kiss Sam.

He lays a hand on the back of your head and his tongue dances with yours, moaning as he tastes you on your tongue.

"Fuck." Sam breathes as you pull away, "You're something else." He gently pinches your bottom lip and sighs, "I hate to be the rain on this parade, but we're losing daylight and I think the shot of the woods as we're driving would be great."

You plop back into the back and pull up your jeans, "No you're right." Colby leans over and kisses your cheek before getting out and moving back up front.

Sam starts to drive again, continues to look back at you every now and then, waiting patiently for his turn.

Colby has the camera out of the window until you start talking, "So this is what the Barrens look like."

Colby looks back at you and nods, "this is it, b-"

Sam's head snaps over and Colby turns off the camera quickly, "I caught myself." You all laugh and compose yourself so he can re-record that,

He points the camera to Sam, "It's literally only pine trees, like the whole way."

"Is that why it's called the pine barrens?" Colby asks and Sam shakes his head once, "No."

You smirk and shake your head, leaning forward to look when Colby says a thing about the water and Colby turns the camera around to show all of you, "We have made it through the body of water and we have reached our official campsite for the night." He looks over at you and Sam, "How are we feeling?"

You shake your head and smirk, "I'm feeling.. alright I guess." Sam makes a face, "I am .. well come back to that."

"Alright." Colby laughs as he turns the camera around, showing the campsite, "Oh shit, there's wood for us."

"Good thing we have the lighter." Sam says in a sing songy tone and you smile and shake your head, "oh no." They turn to look at you and you point up to the passenger window, "Look at all the bugs already."

Colby films the bugs, "Great. Great."

"Okay." Sam says and Colby turns the camera off, "Why don't we find out first thing, the watering hole,"

"Yes, yes." Colby says turning in his seat. He smiles at you, "You alright with this?" You nod, "As I said, I see anything that's nine foot tall, I'm dipping." You motion with your thumb and they laugh at you.

"I'm serious." You try not to laugh but you can't help it.

Sam bites his lip as he stares at you and you look at him, "Hmm?" He shakes his head, "Just can't wait to have my turn with you."

You blush and bite your lip to hide your smile, "Let's film this first and then we can go from there." You wink at him, "Burning day light, remember."

He rolls his eyes with a laugh and gets out, opening the door for you. "I'm going to start recording." Colby says as a warning. "Hang on." Sam says before pulling you in by your neck to crash his lips into yours.

"Okay." He says leaning back, "Go ahead,"

As you walk to your first destination, Colby carries the camera and they freak out about mosquitos until you stop and try and figure out where you're doing.

Sam ruffles his hair and you bite your lip as it falls over his eyes. He notices and smirks, "Anyway we're looking for.."

You walk behind Colby, smacking mosquitos off of you as Sam talks about the origin of the Jersey devil, "Holy fuck." You yell as you smack your neck and pull your hood up, "Colby why did you not grab the bug spray!"

His mouth drops and he tries not to laugh, "I'm sorry, okay! I'm sorry!" He holds his hands up, "You know, the sun sets in ten, maybe twenty minutes."

"So it's going to get dark." You smirk and he laughs, "yes."

"Did we- wait.." Sam pats his red pants and his voice is slightly whiney at first, "we didn't bring a single flashlight. What the fuck is going on?" He laughs and turns the camera around to film us all walking back.

"We just left everything in the car." Colby said swiping a mosquito away. Sam sighs, "Let's just hurry up, get to this place and get back."

"Remember when you got lost in the witches forest, Colby?" You laugh slightly and he turns around, still walking, "I am not having that happen again."

You finally reach your first destination and Colby points out that it looks like the same one from Dracula's castle, and he almost falls in, but Sam grabs him.

"Holy hell." Colby laughs as he stands back up, "Don't want to fall into that." Sam moves the camera to you, "It's going to get dark soon, how are you feeling?"

I wrap my arms around myself, "I'm cold. Like freezing all of a sudden." Sam looks at Colby and he walks over, "you know what, it is kinda cold like just right by y/n."

Suddenly, a truck gets stuck in the sand and they guys yell out if they got it, which the people on the other side of the water get free and you start to make your way back to the car.

Sam stays back a little, filming you guys walking, "You know. I'm not cold anymore." You look over to Colby who's walking beside you, "That was weird." He says looking back, "There was definitely something there."

"Colby?" Sam says jogging up to you guys, "What time is it?" Colby pulls out his phone, "I don't have service but it is currently seven thirty."

"Luckily we have about a half a mile away, so.." Sam says pointing towards the trees, "Almost back."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

In the car, after filming on the way back for a little bit, Colby cuts the camera off and looks back at you, "You scared?" He asks teasingly and you shake your head, "Mm. Kinda. Yeah." You laugh and nod, "I keep thinking about seeing that thing and it just makes my want to jump out of my skin."

"We love that beautiful skin of yours," Sam speaks up, "So don't do that." He chuckles and points, "Oh here's our site."

Colby turns the camera on and starts filming, "Back at the campsite, it's pitch black and-" he stops talking when Sam puts on his blinker.

You laugh and Sam shakes his head, "Why did I just use my blinker?" You see Colby has the camera pointed out towards the front of the car so you gently scratch Sam's head and laugh.

"We're 4 right?" I ask pointing, "Yeah four." Colby says and you look around, "And there's no one else here?"

"There shouldn't be." Sam says putting the car in park, "Oh my god. You can't see anything it's pitch black."

Sam turns off the headlights of the car and it truly is nerve racking. Sam and Colby both "ooh" as Colby pants the camera around, "Oh my god."

He moves the camera to you, "Y/n. You still back there." You decide to stay quiet and Sam cracks a joke, "Jersey devil got her."

You lean forward, "No he didn't."

Sam jerks slightly and gasps, "Oh my god." Colby laughs as do you, and you all just take a moment to realize how dark it actually is.

"The fact that we're actually just out here alone.." Sam sighs and Colby nods, "dude, we're deep in this shit. Six miles into the forest with no service or lights."

"Y/n. Take the camera. Colby." Sam sighs and tries not to laugh, "You have been voted the one to get out and take the stuff over."

Colby puts up no fight as he hands you the camera, giving you a wink before he gets out. He shuts the door and Sam leans forward, "Oh my god. He is such a brave soldier.."

You lay a hand over your mouth as you hold the camera on Colby who's now, at the front of the car setting the stuff down, "He is insane."

"yeah, for you." He says without thinking.

"Sam!" My mouth drops and he hangs his head down, "Fuck." He laughs and you smirk, "Well edit that out."

You look up as Colby sets the tent down and Sam turns off the headlights.

"Sam!" You gasp and squint to see Colby, "Where is he?" You laugh slightly and look around and Sam lets out a groan, "I can't see him and he's only two feet in front of us."

He looks around and you move the camera, trying to catch anything and Sam yells, "Oh no. Where the fuck did he go?"

At this point you're scared because you know he's going to jump scare you regardless, "Oh my god, Colby!" You run a hand through your hair, moving around to look again, "Where is he?!"

"I don't know! I don't know!" Sam yells out with a slight laugh, "Oh my god."

Next thing Colby does, is hit the window, and you and Sam both yell. You grab onto Sam's shirt and Colby opens the door, peaking his head in, "There are thousands of gnats out here."

You stop recording and set the camera down, "Guess what Samuel did."

Colby gets back in and looks between the two of you, "What did Samuel do?" You hand Colby the camera, "watch from the time you get out until right before the lights go out."

You listen to the video playback and can help but smile the whole time,

"He is insane."

"Yeah, for you."

"Sam!"

Colby's mouth drops and he looks at Sam, "Dude!" He laughs and Sam hangs his head down, "I know. I know. We'll have to make sure to edit that out."

Colby nods, "Uh huh." He look back at you, "So, do you and Sam want to do your thing before we get out? Because once we're out, I plan on filming as much as we can."

You smirk and move up to sit backwards on the center console, "I think right now is perfect for Sam and I to play around quick."

Sam pulls you into his lap, "I can put the seat back and you can sit on my face?"

"Now that's sexy." Colby says biting his lip. You smirk and nod, "I'd love to sit on your face Mr. Golbach."

You move back to the back seat, handing Colby the camera, "Don't accidentally turn that on." You tease as he takes it, "No promises." He smirks and you shift your pants down as Sam puts the seat back.

He lays back and welcomes you to straddling his face with a big smile, "Thought about this all day." You bite your lip as you settle down, staring down at him as you hold his hair in a firm grasp.

He goes in, sucking your clit and squeezing your thighs as you moan. Your eyes roll back and your hand searches for something to grab with your other hand. Colby takes your hand into his and he watches Sam eat you out in pure silence, enjoying every second of it.

Sam pushes his tongue into you, humming slightly as you pull his hair, "Fuck Sam." You whimper out, gasping as you feel your orgasm coming on.

Colby rubs your hand with his thumb, biting down on his lip as he watching you cum on Sam's face.

"Fuck, fuck." You squeeze your thighs together slightly and Sam's fingers dig into your skin.

Once you're down from your high you pull yourself off of Sam and move back to the back to put your pants back on, "That was so fucking good, babe."

Once your bottom half is dressed again, you lean up to kiss Sam, swirling your tongue against his and moving to kiss Colby, giving him a taste of yourself, too.

"So fucking good." Colby mumbles against your lips, "We're not done with you yet, though." You smile as he grabs the camera and you do a once over on Sam, making sure he doesn't look like he just had his face sat on.

You ruffle up his hair and he smirks at you, pulling you in for one last kiss before Colby hits record.

Once you're out Sam takes over the camera as you and Colby set stuff up, there was rustling in the bushes and you start kinda freaking out, "Yeah like right over there."

"Oh no, that's not good." Sam says in a high pitched tone, "Already?" Sam stands up, "Hang on." He puts his hands on either side of his mouth and makes a loud, "Ooowah" sound that echos and he looks at Sam as he listens for a sound back.

You have to admit, Colby making that noise was hot as fuck.

"What the hell was that?" Sam asks laughing, "y/n. Make that noise you made at the diner." You laugh and do the same as Colby did, but make the sound you made."

And they found you just as hot, too. Always down the adventure, they loved it.

After a few moments of silence, you guys go back to setting stuff up and Sam shushes you, "Whoa, whoa guys. Guys. Shh." He holds the camera still out towards the woods and you look at Colby as soon as you hear a growl.

"Oh shit." You jump towards Colby and stand close to him, he lays a hand on your back, "What was that?"

Sam comes walking over, "Was that a fucking growl?"

"I think so.." you look back out at the trees, watching and you swear your mind is playing tricks on you because of how dark it is out there, "Maybe it was a plane?" You look up at Colby and he shrugs, "I have no idea.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

Aftera while of Colby messing with the tent and finally getting it set up, Sam reveals that he doesn't have lighter fluid in the lighter and Colby said about putting dead grass on the top.

Sam bickers with him over it, "You really think you can  just light it with just the sparks, boyscout?"

Colby holds his arms out, "What do you expect me to do everything!" He laughs causing you and Sam to laugh.

Eventually, after a while trying to make a fire, Colby fails, "You know, I don't want anyone thinking I'm not mainly or anything like that."

You walk over, standing over his shoulder and Sam turns the camera to the woods. You lean down, whispering in his ear, "I can vouch that you are most definitely are manly."

You peck his cheek and stand up quickly as Sam turns the camera back, "You tried your best, Colby. We have a devil to find."

You start walking around and you walk into a giant spider web. Screaming and thrashing around, "Get it off. Get it off."

Colby comes over and helps you get the web off while trying not to laugh, "Hang on. Hang on." Sam is recording the whole thing, laughing at your antics, "Oh my god."

Colby steps back, shaking his head as you take a deep breath, "I'm going to the tent." You start walking back, "Nevermind. It's too dark."

"Alright alright, back to the tent to tell some scary ghost stories." Sam laughs as he walks with you and Colby. Sam cuts the camera and you guys work to get settled into the tent.

Sam turns the camera back on and sets it in the corner. You're sitting between them with your knees pulled to your chest and Colby lets out a sigh, "Well we did it. And it's hot and the mosquitos everywhere. And there's a devil in the woods." He groans and covers his face.

"I know I said if he scared shitless, but I kinda want to see what this goat horse charzard things actually looks like." You look between them and they agree.

Everything goes silent and Sam whispers, "The cicadas stopped and then there was two creaks, but anyway."

Colby takes the camera and points it at Sam, "We all know what can physically harm us.."

"Guns, knives, fist.." Colby lists and you laugh but Sam looks directly into the camera, "the Jersey Devil."

Colby gives an over exaggerated reaction and you shake your head, "Oh my god. You guys are nuts."

"Well you're here with us so you're just as much of a nut as we are." Colby says behind the camera and winks at you. You smirk and shrug, "Yeah, I guess so."

Sam talks about the story of the white stag, and you zone out staring at him, thinking about getting double teamed by the both of them.

You needed both of them this time.

"Y/n?" Sam asks waving his hand, "You with us?"

Colby looks at you, knowing what you were doing and he raises his eyebrows. You clear your throat, "Yeah, sorry. I just like zoned out there for a second." Colby puts the camera on you, "oh no, the devil is getting to her."

He moves the camera back to Sam and Sam lets out a nervous, high pitched, "Ohhh nooo."

"I can promise you, that it's not the devil getting to me. I'm not sure what that was about." You look at Colby and he has a smirk on his face. He reaches up and grabs your chin, only to stop when something outside sounds like growling.

"What is that?" You ask looking behind you, "That was a growl." After a few moments of silence, Colby starts to tell his story after handing the camera to Sam.

You know you're probably in the shot so you keep your staring to a minimum, "No we should definitely go do that, the whole lights thing and all."

"You know, it is getting late and it is kinda far away, so we should do that now if we are." Colby says looking at his phone. He keeps his hand over his screen so your face on his lock screen doesn't show to the camera.

"let's go summon a little boy demon." Sam says and we all get up to make our way out. As we're walking, Sam calls Colby over to a tree, "Colby. Come look at this scratch on this tree."

You walks over, "is it on any other trees?"

He walks over and points, "Yeah, it's on that one and that one and that one, like what the fuck."

"I think it was someone trying to fuck with people, but like, it could use the trees to launch itself and travel? I don't know. That's fucking weird anyway."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

"You know what I was zoned out on?" You speak up from the back seat and it catches both of their attentions.

"What was that, darling?" Colby asks turning to look at you. You smirk and lean up, your arm reaching around the seat to drag your nails up Sam's neck, "Getting double teamed by the both of you in that tent."

Sam tilts his head and clears his throat, "Same."

"Yeah, I'm guilty of that too." Colby says with a chuckle, "since we both got you once, it's only fair that we get you together next, right?"

You nod and go to say something but point, "Sam. Water." You remember what Paul said about the water and Colby gets the camera to record, "Is he going to make it?" Sam drives over the puddle and Colby cheers, "Yessss, he did it!"

After a little bit longer, Sam groans, "There's another puddle."

"That one looks deep." You and Colby say in unison which causes you to laugh. "What do we do? Get out and walk through it like the guy said?"

Colby shakes his head, "I'll throw a rock or something. I don't trust the devils water." He gets out and same takes the camera, "So Colby is going to do a rock check for us. He's definitely our hero tonight, going out into the dark like that."

You smile, because he really is your hero, Sam too.

You watch as Colby throws a few things in and comes back, "We should be okay, but I don't know."

After debating for a few minutes, Sam decides to turn around and go another way. "didnt we just.." you point to the window, "Sam this looks like something we already passed."

Colby looks at Sam, "she's right. This is making no sense." You lean forward, "Have we passed the campsite at all? Or any of them?"

Sam shakes his head, "Oh my god, no."

You look at Colby, starting to panic a little and luckily the camera is off because he grabs your face, "Well get out of here. I promise okay."

You nod and Sam rubs your back, "Just hold on, babe. I'm kinda freaking out too."

After about fifteen minutes of driving, you come to a bridge and Colby starts to record again, "Just a little, funny update for you guys, we actually got lost."

"I have no idea where we are." Sam admits, "I think we missed the first left."

"We're at a bridge that we didn't find on the way here so we're definitely lost." Colby says before cutting the camera off.

About half hour later, "We're back, baby. Ten minutes and we'll hit civilization." You sigh,  "Oh thank god." Colby chuckles, "One of these days we won't get lost. I promise."

Colby starts the camera, "Back on the main road-" the road becomes a bumpy mess, throwing you all around, "and the road is.. a.. fucking me- mess."

"Oh my god." You say with a laugh, "I'm going to get sick."

"Are you really?" Sam says turning around quickly and you shake your head laughing, "No, no. I'm kidding."

After a while, you make it to your destination and Colby turns the camera on, "Who the hell.." he pans to the basketball hoop that's sitting on the side of the road, "Is playing basketball out here? Like what?"

"Well, we're here so that's good. I just have to go down make a u turn and we should be good." Sam says, "we have the thermal camera, so.." he continues to drive and turns around, getting us to where we need to be.

"So at this point the drunk driver has already hit the kid, so he went back. And pulled up to.. right here.. the crack.." he comes to a stop and takes the camera, "Park, one, two, three." Then he flashes the lights three times and you and Colby are watching out the window intently.

Sam turns the car off and everything goes dark, "Oh fuck." You whisper causing them to try not to laugh.

"It's too dark, I feel like my eyes are playing tricks on me.. wait. Is the car moving?" Sam leans forward to try and see and Colby holds up the thermal.

The green glow casted on his face makes him look so good because he's doing what he loves doing. You're staring so intently that a tap on the window causes you to scream and you almost end up in his lap.

"Whoa, no. No. My window." You yell out and point.

"What? What? What?" Colby asks you quickly turning around to make sure you're okay. You look at them, "something tapped my window, that window."

Sam pans the camera back to you, "That wasn't you?" Sam asks and you roll your eyes, "No, Sam. It wasn't me." You're fighting back a smirk but you're trying to keep playing annoyed. Colby snickers slightly and shakes his head before looking back, "Whoa. What was that?"

He gets out of the car and starts walking forward, still holding the thermal up, "Colby!" Same calls out as you guys get out and follow him, "Wait!"

"Do you see this? Look?" Colby stops and Sam takes the camera up, "Show the camera dude, what is it?"

Colby points on the thermal, "That little red spot, right there."

"What is that?" You ask as you lean in between them to see better, "It was in the middle for like three seconds and then it went up in the tree." Colby sighs, "It's like a white orb or something."

You hear a slam and jump, turning around, "What the fuck?"

They whip around, "What was that? Was that the car?" Colby asks and Sam points to the building, "Was it that building?"

"Sam. You left your car door open." You say as you look at him like a deer in headlights, "You never shut your door when you got out."

"I did?" He asks concerned and you nod, "Yeah, you got out and ran after Colby and I got out and I know I shut mine. You didn't shut yours."

"That was the car door for sure?" Colby asks, "Seriously?"

You nod, "Yes. One hundred percent, Colby. Sam left the door open and now it's not." You can feel your hands shaking, "I'm fucking shaking, guys."

Sam wraps an arm around your waist, making sure to keep the camera on the car, "There's no fucking way. What!? I thought we all closed our doors."

"This is fucking insane." You walk close to Sam back to the car, "Oh my god. No I definitely feel something."

"There was an arm, by the trees an-"

Sam cuts Colby off, "Was that you?"

"What was me?" Colby asks and Sam pans the camera the way the sound came from, "There was-" he makes a blowing noise with his mouth, "Sounded like a deer or some sort of angry mating call."

You grab Sam's sweatshirt and bunch it in your hand. You just got a really bad feeling, "We need to go. Now."

"What?" Colby asks, "Are you okay?"

You step back and Sam puts the camera on you, "I ju- I just got a really bad feelings like something is telling us we need to go."

"Okay. Let's just get into the car." Sam says and cuts the camera off.

"Sit up front, y/n." Colby says leading you to the front. You get in, sitting next to Sam and you look at him, "I don't even know how to explain that." Your eyes move back onto the road and you shake your head.

"You're okay, sweetheart." Colby reaches up and gently scratches the back of your head to assure you. You rest your head back into his hand, "That was fucking crazy."

"Yeah, yeah." Sam sighs, "Okay. Let's just.." he starts the camera again and flips it so we're all in frame, "So y/n. You're sure my car door was open."

You nod, "One thousand perfect, Sam. I swear to god."

"Let's just get out of here.." Colby says, slightly in shock, "I didn't, that's not what I thought was going to happen."

"Yeah, no good idea." Sam passes the camera to you and you keep it out to the front of the car. Your heart is still racing, but Colby's touch is slowly calming you down.

"What is that noise? Why is the car.. making that noise?" Colby leans forward and you show Sam who is looking at the steering wheel confused, "what the fuck is happening?" He looks around, "What is going on with this car?"

"Is it stuck or something?" You ask leaning over. Sam nods, "Yeah, stuck in first gear.. I don't.."

"It's not going up at all, what the fuck." Colby says with a sigh, "it's working now?" Sam nods, "Yep. Fine now. That was so fucking weird."

You cut the camera off and rest it in your lap.

Sam reaches over and lays a hand on your leg, "What's up?" You shake your head, "just trying to decompress from that." You let out a laugh, "Why do we do this?"

"For the thrill." Colby says with a laugh and Sam squeezes your thigh, "You good to keep going or?"

You nod, "If you're in, I'm in." You smile as you look at them and you proceed to make your way to what you honestly hope is the last stop of the night.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

"How's our girl doing? Are you hungry at all, y/n?" Sam asks glancing over at you. You nod, "Now that I think about it, yeah." He nods and looks back at Colby who hasn't taken his hand off of your neck.

"We can just stop here, I guess, since it's already so late." Colby points to a gas station and Sam pulls in. They both look at you and you look at them, "Hmm?"

"The way you held your composure back there is amazing." Sam brushes hair from your face and squeezes your chin, "Come on. Let's go get you some food."

You go to sit in the back and Colby asks you what you're doing. You smile up at him, "I like being in the back, so I can see you both."

"Isn't that sweet." He smiles and kisses your head before getting in the front and hitting record, "Alright guys, before we go to our last stop of the night, we stopped off for some food. It is one thirty."

"And how you may ask.. how? Well I'll tell you." Sam says with a laugh, "Each place we went to is like an hour away almost, and we got lost."

Colby chuckles, "That means we fucked up and lost four hours."

"But as you can see, we just turned on to the gravel road that will lead us back to the campsite in about ten minutes, or so." Same glances back at you and you smile.

He smiles and Colby snaps, "We also have a lighter, so we can get the fire going but there is one last place and that's where we are doing the seance at."

They talk about the bridge while you stay quiet, you kinda feel tired, but not tired enough to quit.

"The devils bridge or whatever it's called?" You say leaning up. Sam glances back, "The one in my story was Quacker Bridge."

"The white stage?" Colby asks and Sam nods, "Yeah, yeah."

"And since we're the only ones here, you know in these woods, all the energy will be attracted to us, right?" You tilt your head as Colby points the camera to you, "Exactly."

"So, in my mind, the closest bridge to our campsite will probably be best." Sam says and Colby cuts the camera off.

"You alright to do this seance?" Colby turns and rests his elbow on the consol, chin in his hand. You lean up and rest your forehead on his, "I promise. I'm okay."

"You mean that?" Sam asks holding his hand out. You lay your hand in his and he gives it a squeeze, "I mean every word I ever say to you guys."

"Oh, campsite." Sam cheers and you laugh, "Glad you didn't get us lost this time." He snaps and points back at you, "Hey now."

You bite your lip, "Had to." You laugh and they shake their heads.

Colby gets the camera rolling, "can you just imagine if we pulled up and everything was just destroyed?"

Sam laughs, "I put in the coordinates and it's just a few minute walk down that road." He points with his thumb to the left, "To the bridge, so let's get everything ready, a bunch of flashlights and.." he clicks his tongue.

"Let's git er' done." Colby says and cuts the camera off again. You sit there for a moment, taking a sip of your water before getting out.

"Come here." Sam says as he gets out. You walk around, meeting him at the back of the car. He pulls you in for a hug. Colby walks up and wraps his arms around both you and Sam, "I love a good group hug."

You and Sam laugh and he cups your cheeks, pressing his lips to yours, "let's go talk to the devil." He moves around, leaving you with Colby and he does the same thing.

"You two are more alike than you care to admit." You laugh and walk over, grabbing anything they'll let you carry, and off you go.

As you're walking, you stop and shine the light at them, "Hey guys. Over here."

"What did you find?" Sam asks as he walks up, "No fucking way." Colby bends down and runs his finger along them, "Those are definitely hoof prints."

"Oh shit." You whisper and look at him, "Shut up. Look, there's more."

"We are close to the white stag." He says as he holds his arms out and Sam nods, "The white stag, yeah!"  You start to walk away and Sam shakes his head, "That's actually kinda fucking horrifying."

A little bit more down the road you stop and shine your light on a daddy long leg, "Oh my god. That is - nope." You start to back away and Sam puts his hand on your back.

Colby bends down to pick it up, "Oh it's scary.. what? He's a friend!"

"Colby. No." You shake your head, "No, no." Sam laughs and shines his light on a puddle, "holy shit, imagine our car trying to get through that." He shines his light up more, "I see a sign."

"That's is right there." Colby says looking forward, "we're by the water, which means we're about to be by a bunch of spirits.. y/n. How are you feeling?" He turns around and looks at you and Sam puts the camera on you.

"I'm ready." You hold your thumbs up, "Paul said I'll be a help so I'm hoping he's right."

"This is what we have spent all night for." Sam says with a laugh but then sighs, "Oh god I have bad news."

"What?" You and Colby stop to look at him.

"We can't fucking go on this bridge, bro." He laughs and Colby turns and does his cute little thing about the likes on the videos and not being subscribed.

You continue walking towards the edge of the bridge, shining your light onto a massive bug, "Oh shit. Fuck that." You back up and Sam and Colby come over to you, "What the fuck?" Sam asks as he looks down.

"Fuck, no no no!" You take off running and of course they follow you, "Turn off the lights, turn off the lights!" Sam yells and the lights go out.

Colby finds you in the dark, holding onto you, "What the hell was that?"

"That was the biggest fucking bug I've ever seen in my life." You pant as you try and catch your breathe from sprinting.

"That was a huge, giant fucking murder hornet." Sam clicks his light back on and you step away from Colby quickly, even though you don't want to, but camera is rolling.

"There it is!" Colby says pointing and you start to freak out again, "Fuck fuck."

You guys move and Sam says something about the Blair witch forest, and suddenly Colby takes off sprinting, you and Sam following behind.

"That shit went right by my fucking head." Sam tells while running, "How the hell are we going to film with that shit?" He asks as you all stop.

"No we're going to go and stand our ground." Colby says as he walks away and Sam's voice goes up a few octaves, "You want to stand your ground against a fucking murder hornet?!"

Sam's explaining how it went past his face and Colby is laughing and you can't help but smile at him.

"I was so scared, I turned off the camera." Sam says as he starts recording again, "But instead of this being a random fucking hornet, what if this isn't sign from the white stag to not go here and do a seance?"

"Something is chasing us out." Colby says as he runs a hand down his face.

"Y/n. What do you feel?" Sam looks at you. You shake your head, "Honestly, I think you might be right, Sam."

"I have a bad feeling something is going to happen." Sam says with a sigh, and you continue to walk over towards the bridge and Colby starts freaking out, "I heard it! I heard it!"

"I don't know if it's just because since we're out on our own without the car but I'm the most scared I've been all night." Sam ends recording and looks around, "should we?"

Colby looks at you and you hold your hands up, "I'll do whatever it is you guys want to do. But I am kinda freaked out, like you said Sam."

He pulls you into his side and Colby moves to your other side, "You wanna stop and we stop. Okay?"

You nod, "Okay. Let's talk to the devil." You quietly clap your hands together and in unison, "That's our girl."

They get everything out, Colby switches the camera back on and they start explaining all the equipment.

"We'll set these around and I know I say we call out to the Jersey devil but also to the other ghosts of the pine barrens. We'll try our best but I feel like something.. bad is about to happen."  Sam takes a deep and Colby cuts in, "If there was any time for something to happen in this forest, it would be right now."

You cross your arms over your chest, looking around.

"Pine barrens.." Sam's voice is kinda shakey, "We came to you, because we heard you're the most haunted forest in the United States." He shines his light behind him, "Now is your time to show us that."

You move closer to Colby, as Sam continues to talk, "Please show yourself."

After a few moments of silence and Colby moving the camera around, his voice makes you jump, "We're you trying to give us a sigh earlier? Was the hornet some sort of signal for us to turn back?"

He looks down at you, "Ask about the white stag." You nod and take a calming breath, "if the white stag is here with us, make yourself known."

Another moment or two passes by and Colby laughs slightly, "That sign keeps scaring the fuck out of me."  Colby says what can be touched and Sam adds in about the little boy and to make themselves known and that's when the thermal goes into auto shutdown.

"That's fucking weird, like right as you said that." You look at Colby and he shrugs. Sam looks around, "Maybe underneath the bridge?"

"Closer to the water? That might be better." Colby walks over to the edge, "There's a little beach area."

You jerk your flashlight up, shining it onto the trees and stare, "Rustling, I heard some sort of rustling over there." You move your flashlight and then the box on the ground starts blinking and making the noise it makes when there's something around it.

You look down, backing away slowly as you look up at Sam, "That wasn't me was it?" He shakes his head, "Maybe but-" it starts going off again, "Whoa, whoa."

"Okay, I don't know what that was exactly but I do remember Paul saying something about the coywolves? The coyote wolves, inbred wolves?"

"Inbred wolves?" Colby laughs and Sam explains before you make your way down to the water.

"This is as close to the water that we can basically get. Got the rem pod over there." Sam points as he moves the camera over, "It's almost three so this is perfect."

You look around, shining your light and Colby starts to speak out, "any spirit, white stag.. or dare I say, the New Jersey.. devil."

You get that chill again and gasp. They look at you and you tilt your head, "I got that chill again, but it wasn't until you said the last three words."

"Fuck." Sam curses and sighs, "You alright?" You nod, "Yeah. Yeah." You clear your throat, "Thousands of people have said that they've seen you. So where are you?"

"If you want to make yourself known, you'll be on camera. A lot of people will start to believe in you." Sam looks over at Colby who has the thermal, "Anything?"

Colby shakes his head, "Huh.. nothing on here."

You point, "Hey. The rem pod. There a light but no noise. What the hell?"

"Wai- wha- why? I've ever seen it do that before. Wait.' Turn off the lights." Sam motions for the lights to be off, and both you and Colby comply.

"What the fuck?" Sam whispers, "What's happening?"

"It's never made that noise before." Colby walks up closer to you and looks at Sam then back.

"Maybe try and ask something." You say and Sam nods, "if that is a spirit, please.."

Colby jumps in, "Is there someone trying to give us a sign right now?"

"Make that signal a little bit stronger, please." You say jumping in.

After nothing, you sigh, "That was suc-"

"What was that?" Colby jumps and turns and Sam points, "Dude look look look! The brush, it's still moving! It's still moving! There was something right behind you, you can see-"

"What the fuck happened to my- oh that's never happened." Colby sighs and Sam cuts the camera off, "What the fuck was that?"

You walk close to them, "This is fucking freaky." 

"One more question then we can be done?" Sam asks looking at Colby. He nods, "Yeah. I guess." Sam wraps his arm around your shoulder and kisses your head.

Colby does the same and you smile waiting for them to start rolling again, "Alright this is going to be our last question of the night.. if the-"

"I keep hearing a beep." You say looking around.

"Anything out there that wants to communicate with us and or touching the rem pod please do it again."

After nothing, you decide to pack it up.

You hear the wolves howling, or coyotes or whatever and you cling to Sam's side. You all stop once it happens again and you all huddle together, whispering.

"That was not a fucking owl. That was a screech." Sam says quietly. The lights are off, but the camera is rolling, catching everything.

"We need to keep moving." Colby says quietly, "let's just keep it as quiet as we can."

"That was close. Too close." Sam says and switches the light on, only to turn it off again, "i keep hearing the fucking rustling."

You have a hold on Colby now, and he's squeezing your hand, "We just need to get back to the campsite because we have a ways yet."

You continue back, stopping every so often and you couldn't tell if it was your nerves or what but you were almost shivering.

"There it is. We made it." Sam says and turns the camera light back on, "Here get in."

You all get in the car, Sam and Colby up front, you in the back. Sam sets the camera on the dash, holding it there while you guys talk about what happened.

"Right before we did the ritual, we all heard some other deer noises? Basically this entire time we've been hearing different animals come up next to us."

"Honestly." Colby cutting, "Don't know if there is going to be animals-"

Your flash light falls off the seat and makes everyone jump, "Sorry."

"Oh shit that scared me." Colby sighs and Sam looks back, "You good? You good?" You nod, "yeah."

"I'm glad we came back, because that was fucking close." Colby rubs his face and Sam sighs, "So I guess the question is, are we staying?"

You look at your service-less phone and sighs, "I mean it's literally three am right now.." Colby cuts in, "Finding a hotel after driving forty five minuets out of the forest is going to be tough."

"It has to die down sometime? Right. We did make a lot of noise, so like what if we just make a fire, so that was we know nothing will come up to the campsite."

"I'm down, but can we wait like fifteen, twenty minutes  and just wait in the car?" Colby asks as he brushes his finger over his lips.

"We can eat too, just kinda wind down." Sam sighs and looks back, "Thanks for coming, y/n." You smile and laugh slightly, "Thanks for having me, I feel like I'm risking my life for you guys so."

Colby holds his hand up, "wait.. you don't.." his voice goes quiet and he grits his teeth, "it wasnt like the.." his words go almost inaudible, "New Jersey devil right?"

"I mean.. we really have no idea what it sounds like so.." Sam looks back at you and you shrug, "so mean, he said it sounded like the sound I made so.."

"What sound are we talking about?" Sam asks and you tilt your head, "Again?"

He sighs and Colby laughs, "You'll catch on. Don't worry." Sam cuts the camera off and you shake your head, "What are we going to do with you?"

"Shut up and get up here." Sam holds his hand out and you climb up front, sitting in Sam's lap and extending your legs into Colby's lap.

"Thank you for coming with us today." Colby says as he runs his hands up your legs, "Anything for my boys." You scrunch your nose up and smirk.

You spend your time waiting it out talking and going back over everything that happened until finally you guys get out and Colby starts the fire.

Sam gets the camera rolling again and Colby laughs, "It's getting there okay. But listen, have you noticed that no sounds have been made since getting this going."

"There's nothing. Fire is our savior." Sam laughs slightly and you sit down next to Colby as Sam puts the camera on you guys, "We lasted a full day in pine barren forest."

"We survived!" You say and clap your hands gently together.

"The hornet thing was weird, but there is a lot of scary animals out here, maybe?" Colby says and you point, "But what about Sam's door closing?"

"Oh yeah, true true! And those loud booms. Whether it was the devil or not it's still something scary because we heard a lot of noises."

"What screeches like that?" Colby asks with a laugh and Sam flips the camera around to him, and Colby pulls you into him.

I actually believe that maybe it isn't the devil coming straight out, but like there might be other mutations in this forest." Sam turns the camera around to all of us, "This has been our experience here at the pine barrens."

"Yeah, we'll film again if anything happens during the night, but I'm about to clock out, man." Colby nods his head and he does look so tired.

"Yeah, I'm tired." Sam adds and you shrug, "I probably won't sleep until after we're in the car leaving, so."

"I think I'll pass out, y/n. You look exhausted." Colby looks at you and he looks so good in the glow from the fire, but you look back at Sam as he talks about Hell a week.

"With that being said, we'll see you guys in the next one." Sam blows a kiss and you wave as Colby raises his arms, "Peace."

Sam stops recording and moves to sit next to you. You rest your head on his shoulder and honestly you don't even hear what he's saying because you're slowly falling asleep.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

Feed back is appreciated as to this is my very first Sam and Colby one shot. I was watching their videos again today and this idea just popped into my head so I rewatched it and went along with it, writing the reader in as much as I could with also trying to keep the original video timeline. I added some behind the scenes stuff too which I didn't think you, the smut readers, would mind.

Thanks for reading!

You can find it on Wattpad here

Likes and reblogs are appreciated!

[girlboypersonthingy]

Let’s make this adorable~ Sal Fisher x afab reader who’s all about romance. Loves cooking for him and sending him love letters through his locker. She’s just enamored by him and has to express it.

OOH OOOH OOOH!!! YES, LOVE IT. Gonna do some headcanons. I love this man endlessly 🩵

Sal x reader-Hopeless Romantic 💖

Cook for him and he’s gonna lose his absolute mind. He will go back for seconds even if he’s miserably stuffed already- just wants to show his appreciation

The only ppl who’ve ever cooked a meal for him is his mom and Lisa so it truly makes him feel so special and loved.

LOVES physical affection too! Hold his hand, link arms with him, kiss his prosthetic, hug him often- he loves it all.

He’s a bit self conscious and might be timid when showing you physical affection so feel free to take the lead! Initiate the touch first and he’ll become more confident and return the gesture ten fold!

Just don’t stop touching him okay? If anything, touch him more! As long as he has you in his grasp or can feel you hanging on him somewhere, he feels secure.

Plz plz plz leave him love notes everywhere and anywhere! Sticky notes on his gearboy, long thoughtful letters left folded up on his dresser, more sticky notes on his bathroom mirror about how gorgeous he is.

And he leaves them all in their respective spots, just letting you add more. He can’t stand to remove the notes, it hurts his heart a bit too much.

If you remove them yourself and replace them with new notes, he’ll actually probably cry at the loss of the old ones. Like 🥺

“you…threw them away? Why?”

“To make room for the new ones, babe! It’s fine, Sal, they’re just sticky notes.”

“No…no they’re not. They mean everything to me.”

Starts to remove them himself and saves every single one in a shoe box under his bed.

You bet your ass Larry teases him when he finds the box and starts digging through it all while Sal is absolutely proud and happy to go through it with him, rereading all your lovely poems and compliments.

Don’t be afraid to call him cute pet names or show PDA in front of his friends. He lives for that shit. Lowkey loves when Larry and Todd snicker and make faces at him after you kiss him or call him ‘honey’. He doesn’t care, it just makes him feel even more giddy and in love with you.

MIDDAY NAPS IN HIS BED WITH GIZMO CUDDLED BETWEEN YALL OMFG BEST SLEEP OF HIS LIFE

Kiss the inside of his prosthetic right in front of him and let him know it’s so he’ll always be able to kiss you even when you’re away from him

Bonus points if you wear lipstick so he can see the kiss mark before he puts his prosthetic on.

Imagine he takes it off later around Larry and Ash and both of them are like “uh, Sally, you got a little something…on your face.” And he’s sitting there with a dopey grin and blushing cheeks like “yeah, I know~”

GOOD LORD, when yall are alone, feel free to pull his prosthetic off and just go ham with the face kisses. You don’t even need to ask to take his mask off when it’s just you and him, just yank it off and make out with him already

Gift him stuff! Doesn’t matter what it is- could be a dozen fresh roses, a lollipop from the dollar store or a shiny rock you found on the ground while walking to his house. He’s like a crow, he’ll hoard it all no matter how small.

All in all, he loves having an ultra loving and affectionate partner, just give him time to warm up to it and he’ll gradually start returning the favors.

[serendipitous-mage]

john clownvolta is three years old ... here are some of his other iterations/callbacks:

stream doodles from the 3.5 hour everhood corridor treck thay got progressively less doodly

[nsharks]

bleeding blue | apocalypse au

part nine —other parts

pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x fem!reader words: 3.2k tags: death. blood. zombies of course. reader menstruates. single dad ghost. there will be sex but it isn't here yet. slow burn!!! enemies to lovers. summary: After losing your companions, you run into a skull-masked man and his daughter. They are your last hope for survival. a/n: no comment

The beam gave a nasty cut to your hand.

Tetanus, blood, infections— more threats.

You sit on a rock by the river to fix it up. Before you can dab on the hydrogen peroxide from your new med kit, Blue insists on doing it for you— soft fingertips against your broken skin. She is by far a gentler nurse than her father. You focus on her pink cheeks and scrunched nose as she concentrates. It helps you ignore the sting.

"You scared the shit out of me for a second there, Twix.”

"Sorry. I guess I need to work on my balance."

She gives a stilted laugh. The gauze comes next, just a thin layer since the bleeding has already stopped.

"Thanks for asking him to help me," you add in a whisper. You smile. "I don't think I've ever had a friend save my life so many times."

Blue cuts the gauze and begins tying it off. "I didn't actually have to ask him this time, you know. Like I said, he doesn’t hate you.”

You glance to where Ghost has taken the short break to lean against a tree and drink some water, pale jaw and pink lips exposed. An actual human hides under all that gear and horrifying mask. It annoys you that he doesn't just take it off.

You look back at her, eyes rolling. “You're lying."

She closes the med kit and shrugs. “Friends don't lie."

The afternoon sun bleeds white light over your cheeks as the three of you keep walking. Just meters away from the river, Ghost points out a small cabin. One that hunters used back in the day, you bet. He says it could be a good place to stay for the night. The scent of the rushing water nearby should do some to mask your human scent.

Rolling hills take place of the trees. To the west, you can see the faint outline of mountains dipped in white snow. Well, as much of mountains as you can find in England. They are not nearly as tall as the ones your parents used to take you skiing to in France.

You grow quiet and let Blue do all the talking. Maybe you are embarrassed after almost falling into the river.

Just when she asks - How much further? - something strange pops up in the distance. White medical tents— well, you assume they were once white. They are now torn and grey, with some blue crates beneath them. Confusion swells in your chest and you can't help but speak up.

"Why is this all here?" you ask, your boots stepping over some stray medical tools. Scalpels, tweezers, and syringes. Pressed into the rich earth like fossils. You would pick them up if they weren't rusted past the point of being useful.

"I don't know," Blue answers. "Ghost?"

"Emergency medical camp the military set up," he says. 

"After shit happened?" she asks.

He gives a curt nod as he looks around at the remnants. "Those that were left were tryin' to help survivors in the first few days. Didn't last long, though."

"Is that what your friends were doing after you ditched them?"

"Told you, kid. They weren't my friends."

"Alright, teammates. Whatever. Were they helping with injured people here?" she asks curiously.

"A few of them were.”

Blue looks at you. "Twix, did I ever tell you about that?"

"Um. About what?"

"Well, Ghost was supposed to be working when shit happened," she raises her brows and juts a thumb at him. "But he snuck away from his post to get all our stuff and come find me and my mum."

You swallow at the mention of her mom and avoid looking at Ghost. "Snuck away?"

"Yeah," she nods, "It's called dessert."

"Desertion," he gruffly corrects her.

"What?" you ask.

"He abandoned his assignment," she explains. "But he always says he would do it again if he had to. Anyway, he used to talk to his teammates on his radio to see how they were and stuff— what was happening. But then they got too far away for it to work."

Of course Ghost had a radio.

Paul had one, too. You can remember huddling around that radio like it was a mouthpiece for some god. The static grew choppier and choppier over the first few days. The channels dwindled. Eventually, it stopped working altogether and you didn't learn much about what happened in the outside world. You did learn that London was one of the quickest cities to succumb to the infection. Then, Paris, Bangkok, and Chicago.

Everywhere.

You process the new information as you keep walking through the tents, peering into some opened crates to see if anything is left— nothing is.

Now you know Ghost left his post when he found out about the virus. He stocked up on supplies and then got Blue and her mom. By the way Blue mentions her, it must be an old loss. How long did her mother survive with them, then? Did she use to live in the cabin with them?

You don’t know why your stomach grows tight, but the questions in your brain fade once the military base comes into view.

"Finally," Blue sighs rather dramatically.

A high, chain-link fence surrounds the place. There are a few buildings and some abandoned vehicles that look like jeeps. The fence has multiple gaps cut into it so climbing is unnecessary. Ghost leads the way. You continue sniffing the air. With your bandaged hand, you keep your bow poised and subconsciously walk closer to their footsteps. 

Ghost takes you to the main building in the center. The British flag flutters beside it on a pole, faded and as meaningless as the one sewn on Ghost’s bicep.

"Are we going through the barracks again this time?" Blue perks up.

"We have to go through 'em to get to the armory,” he says.

"Cool. There might be some good shit left behind."

There isn't much good shit, actually.

You don't know what the other military base they went to was like, but this one is unsettling and seems to be ransacked. Sunlight pours in through the shattered windows. Scattered papers and strewn bones decorate the tile floors. Thick cobwebs hang in the corners.

As you walk through the hallway of old dorms, Blue and Ghost stop looking in them after the first four turn out to contain only tipped-over cots, walls smeared with old blood, and even a few scampering vermin that make her yelp and grab hold of Ghost's arm.

He grows stiffer than usual. You don’t have to pry off the skull mask to know what he is thinking. Ghost is not the only person who thought of coming here. If these rooms are mostly empty, then what is left in the armory?

Still, you check out a few more of them on your own as they walk up ahead. You rummage through closets and drawers. You find three pairs of men's socks. More useful than one might think.

In one room, you kneel down by the unkempt cot to dig a black backpack out from under it. You can’t believe that Ghost, as big as he is, ever slept on these things. The backpack’s zipper catches as you try to open it, the metal teeth rusted, so you cut a hole in the fabric with your knife. Inside, you find another military-grade knife to add to your arsenal and some wrapped ready-to-eats.

When you check the closet, the sight of a full skeleton causes you to jump back in a startled step, a few rats running out between your boots.

"Oh, fuck," you mutter, noticing a bullet hole in the skull. A handgun lies beside the body, but you discover the magazine to be empty. Whatever bullet it once had was likely spent on this person's suicide. You stick it in your bag, anyway. A preserved uniform hangs loose on the bones. There is a mouth-sized tear in the forearm of the right sleeve, fitting for a bite. In the breast pocket, a silver chain spills out. Curiously, you grab it. A dog tag with an engraved name catches the light. John MacTavish. You run a thumb over the letters.

“Sorry, John.”

You decide to respectfully put it back in the pocket, and head out, satisfied enough with your modest finds. It’s not like you own as much as Ghost does. You leave the room and run to catch back up with them.

"You okay? Find anything?" Blue asks.

"Not much," you quietly admit. "A knife and some new socks."

"Finally. Your old ones are starting to stink," she remarks with a playful smirk.

You scrunch your nose at her, making a face. “Gee, thanks."

She returns the teasing gesture just before Ghost’s arm ushers her behind him.

The moment he does, your guard rises back up. You slap an arrow onto your bow. You smell them before you see them. Four - no, five - drag out of opened doorways up ahead along with a cacophony of whistled moans. Most are still dressed in the same military uniforms as the skeleton you found. One isn't wearing anything at all. It’s disgusting.

Ghost doesn't bother to let Blue practice this time.

He shoots the faster, fresher one first as it runs up to them. For the slower ones, he saves his ammo and opts for the axe. The sight of him effortlessly striking their skulls is almost enough to distract you. Almost. Your fingers release the string and send a headshot to the last one. It is a perfect shot. An arrow straight through the milky-white eye. One of your best.

You meet his eyes just as he slips the axe back to his waist, shooting him a raised brow. The two of you hold an awkwardly long stare-off. Though you loathe to admit it, you hope for some type of approval - for once - but all he gives is a short nod.

Blue retrieves the arrow for you and you tuck it back into your quiver.

"Great aim, Twix," she quips. "Where did you learn how to use your bow?"

"My old friend taught me a bit," you say as the three of you step over the fallen corpses.

"What was his name again?"

"Paul."

"Oh, right." She pauses, and then: "Were you having sex with him?"

"Jesus Christ, kid," Ghost says.

"What?" She peers up at him.

Before he can say anything else, you answer with a light flush crawling up your neck, “No, I wasn’t. He was just my friend.”

The three of you make it to the armory.

The aluminum door is already parted open. Ghost clicks on a flashlight and gives the room a quick sweep of fluorescent light before entering.

A number of pried-open crates and olive-green cabinets litter the inside. Drawers hang open like a tornado ripped through. A few stray rifles lay scattered on the floor. Ghost picks up each one and checks for cartridges. Empty. Each rifle is thrown back on the floor with more force than the previous. He needs more ammo, not more guns.

Whatever was in this armory is gone. This truth hangs heavy in the air. The mood shifts. Blue doesn’t talk. Billows of growing frustration roll off Ghost's body as he continues to search through every crevice and every drawer for almost an hour.

You know what he is feeling, even if he half-expected this.

It is a feeling that made you cry in the empty pharmacy. For Ghost, it ends up driving a clenched fist into one of the cabinets, dented metal left in its wake. He swears explosively. Another shudder runs through your spine, stealing your breath, but it feels far different from the one his soft voice invited.

"Is there... is there anywhere else we can check, Dad?" Blue speaks up softly. “Maybe in all those cars outside?”

He takes a moment to breathe before answering. "We don't have time to check ‘em all.”

“Well, maybe we could come back in the morning and look a bit more?”

“Maybe,” he says, but you read the tone in his voice. It is unlikely there is ammo left in the vehicles, and even if there is, it is definitely not as much as he was hoping to have found in here.

Before leaving, he stuffs one of the rifles in his backpack. An uncomfortable silence consumes the journey back through the hall.

You make it outside again. The afternoon has aged. You need to get back to that hunting cabin by the river before the threat of dark.

Ghost guides you back towards the fence.

You hear Blue's soft humming. The flap of the old flag. Your own steady heartbeat.

And then, out of nowhere, he stops and grabs Blue's arm to bring her to a halt beside him. He looks around. Confused, you scan the view up ahead of you, but all that is there are a few of those military jeeps and the fence you entered through. You sniff the air. It doesn't smell particularly awful. 

Then, the cause for Ghost's unease arrives loud in your ears.

A single gunshot sounds from a direction you can't discern. Your heart stutters. The suddenness freezes you for a moment. In your peripheral, you think you catch a brush of movement in some bushes to your right.

Ghost quickly pulls Blue behind one of the vehicles for cover. Only when you feel the rush of another bullet whizzing past your shoulder do your legs finally move— so fast that your feet catch on the ground and you stumble down beside them. Your knees dig into the earth as you land on your hands, but you quickly lift up and press your shoulder against the side of the car. 

You choke. "Ghost… people."

People are fucking shooting at us, is what you mean to say. Panic steals your voice.

Who? How many?

Another bullet ricochets off the other side of the car, clanking against the metal. And then another. Glass shatters. 

Ghost doesn't respond to you. Underneath the loud sounds, a soft voice whimpers. You finally look to where Blue is propped up against the large tire, Ghost kneeling at her front. His hand is tightly clamped over the side of her right thigh, and it is now that you notice the blood soaking through her jeans and his glove.

Blue's blood.

Crimson and glistening.

She whimpers again and her fingers twist the fabric of his coat.

"Dad, it— it feels like it's burning," she cries out, her cheeks turning wet from a sudden onslaught of tears.

"Fuck. I know, baby. I know."

She flinches when another gunshot rings out. "W-What do we do?"

You try to form a proper thought— try to make sense of everything. Before you can, Ghost grabs your hand, firmly replacing his hold on her wound with yours. The warm liquid immediately drenches your palm and you swallow, pressing as hard as you can, attempting to pack it crudely.

He speaks decisively. "Stay here with her. Wrap it up.”

"Ghost, you don't know how many fucking people there are," you say, panic turning your voice into something unrecognizable as you place your other hand on his arm. The muscles tense and leap.

“I didn't fucking ask you. I am telling you. Now do it."

He doesn’t give you the opportunity to protest again, but you wouldn’t even if he did because you fully realize that this is the best course of action. He needs to get rid of them. You need to tend to her wound. A strangled cry leaves Blue's lips when he departs. You coax her with soft hushes.

"It’s okay. He'll be right back.”

Urgently, you sling the bag off your shoulder and take out your own med kit. You don’t think twice about it. Not for a second. Not when all you can think about is making sure her soft, blue eyes stay open. When you move your hand from her thigh, the sight worries and relieves you at the same time.

You don't know much about bullet wounds, but you know where the femoral artery runs, and by the looks of it, it was missed. Still, a nice chunk of her flesh has been torn, revealing obliterated muscle. You don't see any bone or bits of metal, but it is hard to see much of anything with all the blood.

With fingers that shake, you use the same gauze she nursed your hand with to begin tightly dressing her thigh. As you do, your eyes flash up and around in a feeble search for where Ghost could be, but you can’t see him from behind the vehicle.

"Is it bad?" she asks, voice laced with a tremor. When your gaze returns to her, you notice that pale lips replace her usual rosy-pink ones. Her forehead is sheened with sweat.

"It looks worse than it is," you say.

"Are you... are you telling me the truth?"

"I am. Promise," you whisper. "Friends don't lie, right?"

Sporadic gunfire continues to pierce your ears. It sounds more distant now. You have no idea if it belongs to Ghost or whoever these people are. You push the uncertainties away, assuring yourself that he can handle however many of them there are, and focus on tying off the gauze, desperate to keep her blood in.

Blue suddenly blurts out, “Twix.”

You look up and meet her eyes. They are pointed at something behind you.

[lilacthebooklover]

NPMD Incorrect Quotes

Grace: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times. Steph: You mean you stabbed them? Grace: They ran into my knife.

Ruth: Are pigeons drones? Richie: What? No, I'm trying to sleep. Ruth: Think about it. How come you've never seen a baby pigeon? And why do you never actually see a pigeon nest? Because they're DRONES! Richie: *Crying* Please let me sleep...

Steph: Ow! Pete: What’s wrong? Steph: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow. Pete: It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

Richie: I have a question. Pete: Shoot. Richie: Is the S or C in scent silent? Pete: I’m going to be thinking about this all day. Steph: Okay well, cent is pronounced the same way as scent so I’m gonna say the S is silent. Richie: Okay, but sent is also spelled the same way. Pete: Google says that the C was added in the late seventeenth century, so I guess the S is silent. Ruth: Plot twist, both the S and the C are silent and the E actually makes the sss sound. Pete: Ruth is not allowed to talk anymore.

Max: You know, there’s only one person in this world who can tell you what you are. Richie: Me? Max: No. Max: Me.

Ruth: I desire moisture. Pete: Please just say "I want water" like a normal person.

Steph: You know, when I first met you, I really didn’t like you. Grace, after a moment: …I thought there was going to be another half to that sentence? Steph: Nope!

Ruth: I'm an empath. When I'm around hot gay people, I start having gay thoughts.

Grace: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine! Pete: How can you still say that? Grace: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

Steph: Pete, I got suspended from school… Pete: WHAT?!?! What did you do? Steph: My teacher pointed at me with a ruler, and he said “there is an idiot at the end of this ruler”. Pete: And…? Steph: I asked which end… Pete, unable to contain his laughter: Okay, you just made my day.

Kyle: Can I have some water? Max: *starts chugging his water bottle* Max: *chokes from drinking too fast* Max: *spills water all over himself* Max, coughing: I don't have any water.

Richie: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it. Richie: And I started thinking. Richie: Like, it was just trying to get food. Richie: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck? Ruth: Are you ok?

Pete: Where’s Grace? Steph: Doing stuff. Pete: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Richie? Steph: Trying to stop Grace from doing the stuff. Pete: And Max? Steph: Trying to stop Richie from stopping Grace from doing the stuff. Pete: I see. And what are you doing here, Steph? Steph: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Max from stopping Richie from stopping Grace from doing the stuff.

Ruth: Help! I’m drowning! Pete: Calm down. We’re only in six feet of water! Ruth: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!

Grace: Woah dude, premarital handholding? That’s just not cool or groovy.

Max on Monday: *glues a dime to the sidewalk* Heh heh heh. Max on Wednesday: *walking down the street* Ooh hey! A dime!

*Everyone is playing a board game together* Grace: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'. Richie: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'. Steph: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'. Pete: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'. Ruth: *flips the board*

Max: When Grace was born, the gods said, "She's too perfect for this world." Steph: Please. When she was born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."

Ruth: I wouldn’t put it in those words exactly. Pete: Why not? Ruth: Because I don't know what they mean.

Mayor Lauter: Well Stephanie, I have to say, I'm really disappointed. Steph: Well, you didn't HAVE to say it. You could've just thought it.

Max: I’m proud to say I’ve come over my fear of ghosts! Jason: Eyy, that’s the spirit! Max: *gasps* whErE???!!!??

Ruth: Make no mistake. Not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight. Richie: But are you shuffling? Ruth: Every day. Grace: What language are you two speaking??

[metatronhateblog]

As you all know by now

Metatron is sus af. And if you haven't noticed, or you live under a rock (no judgement here) I'm here to add some interesting things I have noticed as someone so obsessed with this show I can only see in the colors and outlines of Good Omens at any given moment.

Fair warning, the only theories or analysies I see are sent to me by my sister, or appear on my dash (and I don't follow many Good Omens blogs that theorize.) So if any of this has been stated or pointed out before, apologies. I'm trapped in tunnel vision mixed with an aching brain.

This one's a doozy and a conglomeration of stuff that I have noticed that I'm not sure actually hold any significance so hang in there, it's worth it.

SO. Let's dive in.

First things first, lots of different theories going around, not sure I believe a lot of them but am fully willing to indulge, and admire the effort people put it. I'm not a huge fan of the 'Metatron poisoned Aziraphale theory' but I have a feeling this post might possibly give those girlies a little 'W.' We'll see, I have various points to touch on.

Something fucked is going on with Metatron. For starters it's very uncomfortable to me, and hits very strangely that no one recognizes him (except Crowley.) Which is so strange because we previously see Michael, Uriel, Gabriel, and Saraqael all in a meeting with the Metratron about....oh maybe ten minutes prior, not to mention Muriel and Crowley were there witnessing it also??? Hello? Why does only Crowley recognize this person that this group of people have seen (Saraqael and Muriel only moments before at the same time as Crowley.)

So how come Crowley is the only one who recognized him??? Sus to me. Any thoughts as to why cause I have none....

But then things to me seem to get a little weirder. I enjoy playing with audio, cutting out background audio and emphasizing little things that might sounds strange to me. And I went through checking all of episode 6 for any weirdly placed miracle noises or waving of hands, and I came up with three things (one of them was actually from episode 5 though).

1.) There's a miracle noise after Aziraphale asks Metatron what they'll be doing in heaven and Metatron responds with 'It's something we call the Second Coming.' This one, with a lot of back tracking and examining other scenes, I've come to the conclusion is simply the elevator being summoned, though I do find it strange to hear the noise yet not see that miracle happen.

2.) In episode 5, during The Ball ™️, Maggie walks up to Nina who is sitting in a chair and offers a hand to dance. Aziraphale, my beloved, is watching so happily and excitedly from the side while holding a tray of hors d'oeuvres. Right when Nina grabs Maggie's hand there's a miracle noise. I'm not sure if it's part of the overall thing Aziraphale has cast over the bookshop, or if it's him from the side and we once again don't see it...(which feels weird) but it's there. And if it is because of the overall miracle cast over the shop then why don't we hear that sound every time something happens that is effected by said miracle. Something is weird about that one to me, but that's not Metatron related sorry. (Here's a screenshot from the exact moment if anyone is wanting to go looking for it.)

And 3.) My big one. This noise is...so unsettling to me. The first time I heard it I flinched. I still cannot figure out if it's part of the soundtrack or if it is a separate noise that segues into the soundtrack or not. But this one. So when Metatron originally enters the bookshop there is obviously a commotion and then once he gets everyone to leave, he looks at Aziraphale and tells him he wants to speak with him or have 'a chinwag' (weirdly Earth term if you ask me) and then offers Aziraphale a coffee who then takes it and sips it blah blah blah we all know that part. But then Metatron says something...weirder. He mentions that he's also consumed things before...which...makes something about him feel all the weirder. He then again asks Aziraphale to chat with him. Aziraphale hesitates and looks to Crowley who is lounging behind him who tells him to go ahead because the 'day can't get any weirder.'

Immediately following that is where I am horribly sus. Aziraphale looks at Metatron who gives him this kind smile and ushers him forward, and once Aziraphale can't see them anymore, Metatron turns a glare onto Crowley, who I'm not sure if we see him acknowledge this sudden cold change.

But that's not the sus part. In my opinion the sus part is the audio. THE MOMENT his demeanor changes to glare at Crowley. We get this little....noise that sounds like a deep kinda dark little twinkle of some sort (and holy shit I'm screaming over this noise because upon checking the official soundtrack the noise is not there) that sounds like magic is happening. And it just. I have listened to the dark way the soundtrack picks up and listened to it through over and over searching for any more signs of that out of place noise and I CAN'T FIND IT. So because I care deeply and am not going to make you people go hunting for this one, I have a screen recording of the audio clip. I kinda took the audio of an actual miracle noise first (I was using it as my reference) and then all the audio surrounding that noise and reduced it, but kept that noise kinda emphasized by not touching it at all. (My apologies now because my editing audio isn't the greatest, I'm no professional, and I did get the first notes of the soundtrack starting in there too.)

HOLY SHIT????? HELLO???? What was that dark little sound there??? I don't know if anyone else has pointed it out but if you have you're amazing and I love you.

BUT WHAT THE FUCK???? I'm sitting here trying to figure out what that strange little audio blip is right there because if I'm correct and when Metatron tells Aziraphale 'the Second Coming' followed by the miracle noise I believe to be summoning the elevator???? Then what is that sinister little???? Almost miracle sounding noise there???? My goodness.

That being said, I did check through the audio in other places, trying to listen real close (and if anyone else is good with audio and can actually find it, then please share I wanna know) and I heard no miracle noises during their kiss scene or when Crowley gets in the Bentley and the Nightingale starts playing. (Disclaimer that could just be because of my hearing loss, so if it is there and you can isolate it, I'd love to hear.) I tried, I searched endlessly to try and help you guys with your theories but I found nothing. I will say though, a bell tolls very frequently in the show when something significant happens and there's a bell toll right as our beloved angelic beings pull away from their kiss.

Now that I've pointed out the strange little audio things I personally have noticed, I want to move on to more colloquial audio and less background noises.

I wanna talk more along the lines of this post by @meatballlady (sorry for tagging you I wanted to give you credit where it's due.)

After seeing this post and doing a rewatch of the show, I have been working more at trying not to make assumptions and trying to think of the ways different things can be taken.

Well the Metatron says something that I think maybe we should focus more on the different things if could mean???

This thing is said (i believe during Aziraphale's retelling of what the Metatron said to him) but also right after another one of those moments of misinterpreting the meaning of what someone's being said. This happens after Muriel interprets Crowley's 'Us time' to include them.

The line I'm thinking of here is

"I've been idling back on a number of your...previous exploits, and I've seen that in quite a few of them you've formed a de facto partnership with the Demon Crowley. Now if you wanted to work with him again, that might be considered irregular, but it would certainly be within your jurisdiction to restore your friend...Crowley...to full angelic status."

Holy shit there's a lot to unpack in that, both for Aziraphale and us. this whole thing could be interpreted multiple ways, I think, and that's why I've included this whole quote rather than just the specific line. It's a lot said in one go with multiple things that are....worded interesting. For a start.

Exploits -

Several different meanings both in the words form as a verb and a noun, and Metatron puts an emphasis on 'previous exploits.' So how is he using the word? Noun meaning bold and daring? Probably not a software tool. What about a verb? 'derive benefit from' is an interesting way to put it. 'Use a situation or person in an unfair or selfish way.' There's plenty of options here. And to say that he is using one specific meaning of the word would be assuming that you know for sure what he's saying. And when it comes down to it, we don't. After all doesn't this season play a lot with the misinterpreting of what someone is saying?

Let's continue.

de facto partnership - is technically an informal arrangement generally for business, formed by two or more parties.

Which is cool, but that's not the emphasized word here. The word Metatron seems to hang on is 'partnership.'

Partnership -

At this point it feels like an almost sterile way to talk about their very clear relationship together. But strange that he hesitates on the word.

The thing I really wanna talk about is

"...restore your friend...Crowley...to full angelic status."

Restore -

Now everyone, Aziraphale included seemed to interpret this as 'reinstate' your friend Crowley. And again it would be very presumptuous to think that it could ONLY mean giving Crowley a position in Heaven next to Aziraphale.

One of those meanings in there says something along the lines of 'to return it to its original condition.' And we all immediately go 'well that would be an angel of course.' But we forget to take the time to realize that...as an angel, Crowley wasn't a demon. He didn't have all the memories and experiences as such. In fact, it feels hinted at throughout this season that Crowley doesn't have all his memory from his time as an angel. And who's to say that if he was restored to angelic status that wouldn't mean wiping him of his memory of his time on Earth? Who's to say that the Metatron isn't implying here that this is another way to make Aziraphale compliant while also keeping him separated from Crowley.

We all know as a team those two will 'raise Earth' for lack of a better term against Heaven and Hell to prevent Armageddon. They are their own side. And I think Metatron knows he has no chance of the Second Coming if those two are still working together.

Who's to say that Metatron wouldn't put limitations or a status quo on the allowances of Crowley returning to Heaven. He can't ensure that Crowley wouldn't cause problems, he can't ensure his trust.

Sorry if all of this has already been said and pointed out, but I personally haven't seen any of it and needed to get it off my chest before I exploded.

[satninroses]

Elvis To The Rescue!

(A/N): Cute fluffy/ angsty request. I love protective Elvis!! Hope you all enjoy!

Summary: BDE! Elvis finds out you’re being bullied and harassed and is less than pleased.

Pairing: BDE! Protective! Elvis x Fem! Reader

Word count: 1,803

Warnings: Swearing, use of sexist terms, descriptions of violence, and descriptions of minor injuries.

Living at Graceland always seemed like a dream for you. If you would have told younger you that you would be living in a mansion in Tennessee, dating ELVIS PRESLEY, you would have probably told yourself to leave. This was no dream though. You had so much room to enjoy, so many clothes, many books, as much entertainment as you wanted, and of course, your loving boyfriend.

That being said, today you needed to run some errands outside of Graceland. You need to head to the record store, the instrument repair shop, and the fancy grocery story that you and Elvis enjoy. As you were getting ready to have the gates opened, there were a group of girls and paparazzi already crowded.

“Well. If it isn’t Miss Gold Digger. What have you done to be of use to society today? You know, when he’s done with you, he’ll come to one of us. You won’t be “Mrs. Presley” anymore. You’ll just be one of his past mistakes.” The girl snickered with her friends. You felt tears well up in your eyes but decided to continue on your way as if nothing happened. You step out of the gate and the same girl that had been berating you pushed you. You fell onto some harsh rock and skinned your calve pretty bad.

“P-please stop. I’m sorry. I’ll go.” You stood up and dusted yourself off and made your way quickly down the street to the record store.

When you got there, you stood in the alley way behind a dumpster and cried. They had always been mean to you but they had never once put their hands on you. You wish you could tell Elvis but you really didn’t want to be another problem on his plate. You wiped your tears and took a few deep breaths to control yourself. You walked up the steps and opened the door.

The record store was always somewhere you enjoyed visiting. It’s actually where you met Elvis.

It was 1968. The ‘68 comeback special was the most awaited televised special in the world. Elvis was on top of the world at this point. Yet, somehow, you managed to bump into him in this little record store you liked.

You had knocked right into someone and tripped. You look up to see who you slammed into only to be met with THE King of Rock 'n’ Roll. “O-oh my gosh. I’m so sorry! I’m so so so sorry Mr. Presley! Here, let me pick that up for you.” You had never been so nervous in your life. The first time you meet a celebrity and this was how you acted. He probably thought you were a dumb, clumsy girl. Afraid that you had angered who was probably the most famous man on the planet right now, you cowered under his burning hot gaze.

He removed the sunglasses he was wearing to reveal a very worried expression in his eyes. “I’m sorry Darlin’. I should have looked where I was going. Let me pick these up for you. What kind of man am I to go around tripping pretty angels like you? Don't you pick up a thing doll. I should have watched where I was going."

That was over 2 years ago now. You’ve never been happier either. Elvis was your rock and you were his. You loved him so much yet you were just too afraid to tell him about the stuff that was going on.

“Hey Mrs. Presley! How’s it going?” Robbie, the old store clerk greeted you. He had been there when you and Elvis met and was there every time you and him went to this record

store as well.

“I’ve been better, that’s for sure.” You tried to add a bit of humor to your answer but your voice was just to shaky to pass off as sarcastic.

“Is everything ok Ms. ?” You looked a little troubled when you first walked in. Your hair was disheveled, your eye makeup was slightly faded and streaky. Not to mention, you had a massive yellow and green bruise on your leg. You thought about his question. You felt like it had been a while since anyone had asked if you were ok. Maybe it was time to fess up about the stuff at Graceland. “No. There are these girls that stand out side the gates of our home and taunt me every time I leave. Sometimes, I can hear what they say when I’m trying to enjoy my time with Elvis and the Mafia. Today, they called me a “mistake” and pushed me down onto the ground. I want to tell Elvis but I’m so afraid of what will happen. He has a lot going on and I don’t want to add more to his plate.”

You exhaled after having confessed that all to Robbie. “Mrs. Presley, listen to me. I’ve known Presley for quite some time. He is a strong willed man. He would do just about anything for the people in his life. Helping you out wouldn’t be a burden to him. What might be a burden is you not telling him what’s going on. I think you should talk to him about it.”

He looked at you with a hopeful expression and held your hands in his. “Trust me. He’s a good man with respect in his heart. Tell him.”

You smiled weakly at Robbie. “I don’t know. I can give it a try. Anyways, I need a copy of For the Roses by Joni Mitchell, please!”

Robbie looked a little less hopeful before but still offered a kind smile. “Absolutely ma’am.”

Later that night, Robbie had been sat by the telephone contemplating a few things in his head. He decided with the latter. He rung up the Presley residence.

“Hello, this is Elvis Presley speaking.”

“Hey, Elvis! It’s Robbie! How have you been?”

“Not too bad. You?”

“I’ve been ok. Look, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about real quick.”

Elvis cocked his eyebrow up. At this time of night? “What’s up?”

“Your lady came in today. She looked pretty beat up. Looked like she had been crying. I asked her what was the matter and she had confessed that there was some type of harassment at your place.”

Elvis’ breath quickened. (Y/N)? Who could be hurting his precious angel?

“What do you mean?”

“She said that there have been a group of fans and paparazzi that have been camped outside your house. More than usual." He added with emphasis. "She said that every time she leaves the house, they’ve been calling her names. She said that today one of the girls shoved her to the ground. She didn’t show me but I would assume that’s where the big bruise on her leg came from.”

'My god. How have I sat here and let her be treated this way?' Elvis couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “I have to let you go Robbie. Thank you for telling me this.”

“You’re welcome. And Elvis? Go easy on her.”

Elvis hung up and put the phone back on the receiver. He stood up and walked up the stairs to his room where his lovely flower lay waiting for him.

He had a plan in mind. He would ask her to run an extra errand tomorrow and catch this in the act.

He got into bed with you and wrapped his strong arms around you. "Elvis? Are you ok?" You asked. He looked down at you and placed a kiss on the crown of your head. "I love you so much. I hope you always know that."

The next morning, he asked you to run out to the dry cleaners and pick up a few of his button-ups. What you didn't know what that he had already picked these up yesterday while you were out. He forgot to tell you but he didn't want to make you go back out after you had gotten home. You looked a bit uneasy but nevertheless, you made your way out of the house and down to the gate.

Elvis wasn’t too far behind you. He took light steps in order to not scare the girls off and to scare you into thinking something was up. As he made his way down the path, he stalked behind a tree and zeroed in on the conversation.

“Aww! Look who’s back. Are you still playing messenger pigeon for him? See what I said last time? He’s bored of you. Doesn’t even want you at home.” The girls friends laughed along with her. They took turns telling you all the thighs that were better about themselves than you.

He had heard enough. He rounded the corner and briskly made his way up to the gate.

“You need to shut your mouth. You should be ashamed of yourself. What would mama's think if they heard you talking this way? (Y/N) has never done ANYTHING wrong for her to receive this treatment. I suggest you make your way away from my home before I call the police.”

The girl gasped and cowered slightly. Her little clique had escaped the scene before the confrontation went down. The girl began to tear up and she walked away quickly to hide away from the humiliation bestowed upon her.

Elvis placed his hand on the small of your back and walked you back up to your home. He opened the door for you and led you inside where you both sat on the couch.

“How long?”

You looked away humiliated. You murmured something quietly.

“Baby. Look at me. How long have they been out there bullying and harassing you.”

You faced him fully and revealed the tears rolling down your face.

“A while now. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Baby. You should have told me. I’m here to protect you and make sure you’re safe.”

“I know. I just felt like it might be a burden if I would have told you.

Elvis grasps your face gently. “Nothing you could ever do is a burden. I love you so so much Satnin.”

He pulls you into a deep and passionate kiss.

“I love you too, Elvis.”

[gamerchrissgf]

𝖍𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖘𝖊 - 𝖈.𝖘

A little blurb while i work on sum other stuffs

The triplets and reader go to an old abandoned haunted house. Chris thinks its a good idea to scare reader!

Scared!reader, prankster!chris, swearing, reader gets an injury (thanks to chris)

۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵۵

“Yea there is no way in hell I’m stepping foot in this house” you say turning around trying to walk back towards the car. Feeling a hand grab your shoulder you look and see Nick “Please stay? If we decide to split up chris can go with you.. is that okay?” He asks looking back at the boy in questioning.

“Yea I’m cool with it as long as she is” he says looking at you. “Okay but the second either of you try something stupid I’m swinging.” You say with a straight face.

Matt chuckles “you couldn’t even fight yourself out of a wet paper bag kid, let alone would you actually swing on us” he states still laughing at you. Oh so he thinks I’m joking.

“Ask chris. I got a mean right hook Matthew. Chris found out the hard way when him nick and I went to that house party and he thought it would be funny to try throwing me in the pool.” You say looking at chris the little bruise on his jaw still evident. You didn’t mean to hit him as hard as you did. But to be fair you thought it was some random dude manhandling you.

“Yea yea kid. You got hands or whatever can we go now?” Chris asks trying to avoid the bullying he was about to receive from his brothers for getting his shit rocked by a girl. Let alone you.

Walking up to the door it was locked. “Great can we go now?!” You say looking that the three boys. “No way in which means we dont need to be here.” You add. “Hold up i have an idea” chris says. Backing away from the door. He kicks the door open.

“CHRIS” you matt and nick yell in unison. “There is absolutely no fucking way you just did that. Moms definitely going to put a new mugshot up for you for destruction of property” Nick says causing you to laugh remembering the mugshot pics they took to give their mom for Christmas.

“Oh please. Could have said a bear did it. Or that it was already kicked in before we got here” I mean he’s not wrong. This house was always known for being broken into. I mean it’s also the oldest home in town, had belonging to a sweet old lady named Gertrude. Taking a look inside “how the fuck could a sweet little old lady such as Gertrude live in this scary hell hole?” You ask out loud.

After investigating the house for a while you guys did end up splitting up. And you lost chris. “Chris! Oh my fucking god where is this kid.” Walking down to the main floor “Chris i swear to god if you do some dumb shit ill kill you!” You yell still not being able to find the damn kid. You hear the floorboards creak from behind you.

Turning around your met with a clown mask. You being you, absolutely terrified of clowns. Youve always hated them since you were 6 years old. The boys know this as well. “OH FUCK NO” you scream turning around running to the door. Being chased by the masked figure.

Swinging the front door open running out onto the front porch the wood underneath your right foot breaks causing your leg to fall through. “OW FUCK. Stop stop stop please stop.” You yell out now crying from being scared and now having a sliced open shin. “Oh shit kid! Are you good?! Im sorry!” Chris rushes over to you taking the mask off.

“F- mmm- fuck you chris. Ow ow ow stop your making it worse!” Crying in pain. Nick and matt run downstairs seeing the predicament your currently in. “What the fuck happened?!” Nick asks. Looking up at him with tears in your eyes. You point at the mask then point towards chris. “Your a fucking idiot chris. I’ll call the ambulance” matt says dialing 911.

By the end of the night your in the hospital with a sprained ankle and 5 stitches on your shin. “Dude im so sorry i didnt mean.. i didnt mean to scare you that bad. I didnt mean for you to get hurt-” chris rambles on. “Yea yea save it. But at least ill have a badass scar.” The four of you laugh in the patient room. “Definitely going in the memory book. Say cheese guys!” Nick says throwing his camera up snapping a pic.

a/n: just wanted to post something happy Halloween!

[one-vivid-judgment]

The We Are BD/SM AU no one asked for, but I'm cooking anyway

(Aka, my newest TanFang + ChainPun + MickMatt fic)

Where... 

Basically PhumPeem's puppy play dynamic is the catalyst for everything. 

- Pun is one kinky bastard whom no dom he's met at the BDSM club has managed to keep up with. Sick and tired of hearing him complain, Peem introduces him to one of his friends from the club that he thinks can work some magic. Enter Chain, who has actually seen Pun around a few times and may have also fallen in love at first sight, but never got the courage to ask him into a room. They hit it off amazingly well, but Chain's happiness is short-lived because he doesn't only want a relationship based on only sex, but Pun doesn't give any signs that he likes him that way, so he'll just have to keep quiet and suffer in silence. 

• Pun whose relationships have never lasted too long, because he is on the more hardcore side of things and his partners were always very vanilla. Which was fine, he thought, you don't always get what you want and not everyone is gonna be able to give you what you want. But it gets so tiring, having to constantly be afraid of being judged for what you are into by someone who supposedly loves you—because Pun can understand being turned off by your boyfriend asking to be slapped across the face, but at some point, it gets exhausting to constantly have to explain. It's not like things got any better when he switched to only looking for doms at the BDSM club. They always end up not going hard enough on him, or they aren't into breathplay or any of the other stuff Pun is into. One more failure and, he swears, he's done. He'll just adopt a bird and live with it as his only company. 

• Chain who has always been kind of afraid of going all out on his subs because he knows it can get very overwhelming, very fast. He knows how fucked up it sounds that he wants his partner to struggle and give him sass and make it look like they are trying to run away from Chain and like they don't want it. It's all consensual, yes, but it all sounds so... bad. So, he's gotten used to hiding it all. 

Enter Peem, who befriends Chain at the club and is sick and tired of Pun complaining about his sex life, so he introduces them, thinking they're a match made in Heaven. They are. And that's a problem. Because Pun is too used to things getting worse before they get better, and Chain is falling hard, but Pun doesn't give any signs that he wants to be with him outside of their 'club exclusive, sex exclusive' relationship.

- Fang desperately needs to get out of his own head, and after trying a thousand different coping mechanisms that always failed, he thought he found the one when Fai (and Phum, but that's something Fang found out about against his will—aka accidentally walking in on PhumPeem) introduced him to BDSM. She became his dom, and although they didn't work out romantically, she still ties him up or pours some melted wax on him when Fang needs his head to be quiet... Except now Fai has found a new partner at the club and won't be available as much, so Fang finally decides to listen to her advice and see how it is at the club. Enter dashing, handsome Tan who's about to rock this man's world. 

• Fang whose family life has been nothing but constant abandonment and neglect, so he moved out as soon as he could. With his best friend and girlfriend at the time, Fai. They dated for a while, but things didn't work out—it kinda adds to Fang's self-hatred issues, because he was 'using' Fai as a means to get away from home. They stayed good friends, thankfully, and on one faithful day when Fang goes to his brother's condo for a visit, he catches Phum and Peem during a puppy play scene. And Fai doesn't laugh when he tells her, instead gives him a surprisingly informative class about BDSM, which she happens to also be into, although she's never done a scene herself. So, they try. And it gets Fang's head so deliciously empty that he think he's finally found the perfect coping mechanism for when he gets too into his own thoughts. 

• Tan who's always been called 'too much', 'too intense', 'too annoying'. He got into the world of BDSM precisely because he wanted to take care of others and make them feel good and fulfilling their fantasies. But he's never had anything permanent, whether a sub or a boyfriend. Maybe both. Hopefully both. And although Tan tells himself that it's fine, that he is still helping others at the end of the day, he would love to just have somebody that will cuddle up to him afterwards and won't leave immediately after they're given aftercare. The aftercare Tan has never received himself. 

Enter Fai, who meets her new partner at the BDSM club and won't be able to act as Fang's dom as often now. So, he's finally forced into listening to the advice she's been giving him for months: "come to the club," She said, "they have a matchmaking system. You'll find someone. That's how I met Lynn!". The matchmaking, Fang thinks, works a little too well. 

- Matt has been more curious than he'd like to admit about Peem and Phum's puppy/owner dynamic and finally gets the courage to ask his friend to take him to the club where they met. His understanding of the whole thing is super surface level and frankly a bit embarrassing, but to be fair, boy is still struggling with that good ol' internalized homophobia (hooray for shitty dads, am I right?), cut him some slack. Enter Mick, who has a lot of experience and thinks it might be fun to show this newbie the ropes. 

• Matt who has the worst possible relationship with his sexuality after having grown up with a very homophobic father. He left home with his mother ages ago, and he is still barely coming to terms with the fact that he is into men romantically, and here he is now, seeing Phum and Peem acting like a puppy and his owner and dying of curiosity fo what the hell it all means. And he doesn't want to cave, but he does and he asks—and Pun just casually blurts out that they met at a BDSM club, the same he goes to actually. Toey did NOT need to hear that and leaves, but Matt is... intrigued. 

• Mick who's never looked for a serious relationship and was content with just hooking up with people and being in casual D/s relationships. There would always be a better boyfriend, a better dom—at least, that's what he's gathered from the many times his former subs have come to him saying they've met someone else. And every time, he just let them go, easy as that. There would always be a better boyfriend, a better dom. 

Enter Pun, who practically drags Matt to the club one day and leaves him to meet Chain. "Don't worry!" Matt said. "I'll be okay on my own" He said. You know, like a liar. He's not doing okay, and Mick can see it from the opposite end of the club, ditching a potential new hook up to go talk to this awkward-looking boy standing by the bar. 

"You look like you're about to jump out of the nearest window."

"Maybe cause I actually do want to jump out of the nearest window."

If nothing else, it'll be fun to teach this newbie the ropes.

(+ References to camboy Kluen and boyfriend Beer who joins him on his streams sometimes, which may or may not become it's own fic at some point)

[parad-ice-lostandfound]

Prompt: How the OM! Brothers shop for groceries and stuff ft. me!

Pairing: NA

Genre: Headcanons, Crack

TW: NA

Lucifer

This old man has memorised the layout of all his favourite stores. He makes a neat little list in a notebook. He will not type his list in the notes app of his DDD. And his list will be in the order of how he walks through the aisles.

Like, if the first few aisles of the store have foodstuff, those will be at the very top of the list. I add stuff to my list as and when I remember them, so if I ever make a list for him he will most definitely forget to buy something and then blame it on my lacking list-making skills (my mom does this).

No matter how many things we need to buy this man will NEVER take a cart. He will take 3 baskets if required, and give two of them to me. Also will not buy anything that is not on his list. Is ice cream on his list? No? Then I guess we're not getting it...

Man speedwalks through the store. Like there's no time to see which brand of chips I want, I take my eyes off him for one second and he's already at the checkout counter-

Gives everyone who takes their time deciding what to buy, yknow, like a normal person, a glare so intense you'd think they offended his entire lineage or something.

Might yell at me like once for being slow or something during our shopping trip, then make it up to me by buying me ice cream on the way home (Lucifer is an Asian parent confirmed)

Overall, I'd give him 7/10 because he does get the job done, but I will not be the first to volunteer to go with him.

Mammon

List? What list? Haha I'm gonna have to be the responsible adult here-

He never makes a list, because 'he remembers it all in his head anyway'. I'd make a list, then proceed to drag him everywhere, making him hold the stuff.

Complains a bit (a lot) about having to follow me around, but will shut up if I glare at him

Remembers what his brothers need, but always forgets stuff that he needs and when we get home he gives me his best puppy dog eyes and goes "Actually..."

With the amount of trouble this dork can get in I'm pretty sure we're banned from at least one store-

Doesn't care what I put in the cart as long as he can do the same.

We end up forgetting a few items and then having to go back to the store before Lucifer finds out. Then we get ourselves some smoothies as a reward :3

People would hate us because we're the kind of idiots to stand in an aisle taking up all the space while arguing very loudly about cereal brands-

5/10, we're both too easily distracted and absolute menaces when it comes to shopping.

Leviathan

My boy gets all his stuff from Akuzon so I dunno how I'd get him to come grocery shopping with me. If no one else is free that day, he might come with me. Though he'd try to convince me to order from Akuzon before placing a foot out the door-

Whose idea was it to let two socially-inept introverts shop without their assigned extrovert/ambivert? If there are no self-checkout counters we would play rock, paper, scissors to determine who makes small talk with the cashier.

We'll end up buying a lot of junk food and soda. Again I feel like I'd have to make the list and Levi would help with carrying the stuff but I'm sure he'd also add stuff that he wants.

Doesn't care much about like, the necessities? Like, it's ok with him if I wanna get fresh veggies or milk but he won't be one to suggest it if I don't.

Levi gets lost at one point because I'm bad at keeping track of people who come grocery shopping with me and I'm gonna get called to the front desk to get him.

On the way home I take him to the bookstore, get him some new manga and me new books for having survived that ordeal.

9/10, he's like a very well-behaved, anxious kid who occasionally tugs on your clothes and asks you if he can get his favourite bag of chips.

Satan

He won't like this, but he probably is like a toned-down version of Lucifer, except he makes the list in the notes app of his DDD.

Pretty flexible with what we can buy, he'd let me get what I want, within a limit though. Knows how to tell what is fresh and what isn't so I let him select the fruits and veggies

He also speedwalks, but holds my hand so I don't get lost <3

Meanwhile I'm trying to keep up without falling and apologizing to all the people I bump into. Ain't my fault I got little legs-

Hates it when people bump into him and don't apologize so my main job is making sure he doesn't blow up and get us thrown out of the store-

Definitely teases me when I can't reach something before being a gentleman and getting it for me

We end up going to a cat cafe before going home

10/10, I would enjoy it. Very much date vibes.

Asmodeus

He would happily follow me on my grocery runs.

Very easily distracted, I'd need to hold onto him so I dont lose him.

Very good at reminding me what needs to be bought. Has his own list of things that are needed.

Spends a ton of time and takes utmost care in choosing the best of everything. He has a good eye when it comes to stuff like this.

Knows exactly what his brothers like or need and makes my life so much more easier.

Will let me buy everything and anything I want because he is amazing like that.

Flirts with the cashier during checkout and gets us a discount. I aspire to be like him one day-

On the way home we end up going to boutiques so he can do his own little shopping~

9/10, as fun as it is going with him, I don't like being dressed up like a doll after a tiring day of getting groceries. Also won't help me put them away when we get home

Beelzebub

Beel is a sweetheart. I can see him always volunteering to go grocery shopping with me.

Another one I need to be cautious about, he might wander off if he finds something particularly appetizing. Will need to have something on hand to satiate his hunger.

He'd be content with following me around while carrying stuff. Occasionally pipes in when he sees something he heard his brothers wanted.

We will buy a ton of snacks. Now to keep him from opening any of those before we check out...

Probably wouldn't let me get everything I want, but will still be willing to let me get junk food as long as I promise to share them with him.

On the way home we go and have a meal at a restaurant, and then once we're home he helps me put everything away.

10/10, an absolute sweetheart as long as he has something to munch on while we work.

Belphegor

This little shit (derogatory).

This sadistic little bastard enjoys abusing his baby of the family privilege. Annoys the fuck out of me while we're in the store because he knows I'll try my best not to lose my composure in a public place.

The kind of asshole to pick something up and put it somewhere it's not supposed to be. Ever found a bar of soap next to rows of cereals? It's his handiwork, and he's so smug about it I swear-

Gets lost on purpose, to the point where I contemplate leaving him in the store and going home on my own.

Has. To. Comment. On. Every. Single. Thing. I. Get. That is until I threaten to not get the detergent he likes, and suddenly he's a good boy helping me by holding everything

Could care less about what I buy as long as I buy enough for him, Beel and me to share, but like I said before, will comment on everything.

We come straight home and this man just leaves me in the kitchen alone?? He won't help me put away the groceries, he goes straight to his bed.

3/10, there is very little chance I won't try to strangle him on the way back home out of frustration.

[chiiyuuvv]

PICNIC - HUNTER °

~~~~~~~~♡

"Tada!" Hunter uncovers my eyes as I let out a gasp. A blanket covered some of the grassy ground with a wooden basket on top. Small candles circled the parameter of our area alongside a small pond. The sun went down slowly as the tall trees rocked from side to side.

"What do you think?" He asks, suddenly feeling nervous as he observes the scenery, glancing at me ever so often. "Hunter this is amazing!" I hit his shoulder playfully, making him sigh in relief.

"Come on." He takes my hand, guiding me to the blanket and sitting me down. He then grabs the basket, opening the lid and passes me a drink. "Why did you do all of this?" I ask while opening the bottle, taking a sip.

"Well.. y'know.. you always said you wanted to go on a picnic and I thought today would be a perfect day!" He stutters, the tips of his ears red as he struggles to find words. I laugh softly at his response, taking another sip from my drink. "We didnt actually have to do it.. it was just a random idea I had." I answer cheekily.

"Too late." He smiles happily, shaking his head as he brings out more foods from the basket. "Wow.." I exclaim, sitting closer to him as he aligns the food on the blanket. "I hope you like it. It took me a very long time to make." He adds nervously, giving me a spoon and fork. "For sure!" I grin, opening the tupperware.

~~~~♡

"I'm so full.." I giggle, fall on the blanket as I look up at the sky. "Did you like the food?" Hunter asks as he plays with my hands, looking down at me with a smile. I turn my head to his, the two of us freezing at the sudden eye contact. He chuckles lovingly, moving some hair from my face as my cheeks warm up.

"Hunter.." my voice trails off as I stare into his eyes, feeling lost yet safe in his gaze. "Hmm?" He hums, leaning closer to me slowly. "Y-you.. have a bump." I point to his arm, silently cursing myself for ruining the mood. He looks down slowly, lightly rubbing the spot before turning to me. "You do too!" His eyes widen as I quickly sit up, looking at the bump.

"Oh my god.. is that why I've been so itchy?" I think out loud, trying my hardest not to scratch it. "Dont worry." Hunter laughs quietly, brushing off his legs as he stands up. "I got some stuff in my car." He says, bringing out his hand to help me up.

We walk silently back to the car, secretly stealing glances at each other as our hands tightens. He smiles softly, looking down at our intertwined hands before looking away, scratching his hair with his other hand as he blushes.

"H-here we are.." he mutters, slowly letting go of my hand and opening the car door. I sit in the backseat, fumbling with my hands. "HERE IT IS!!" He yells, waving the bottle of Ointment around before sitting beside me, grabbing my arm.

"Does it sting?" I ask fearfully, shutting my eyes as my body tenses. "No silly goose." he boops my nose while laughing, opening the bottle. He dabs some on my bump, making me shiver at the cold touch. He laughs again, looking down.

"Alright after a hour or so the bump will stop inching." Hunter informs, closing the bottle. "What about you?" I tch, taking the bottle from his hands. I move closer to him, pushing his back against the seat. "Oohh~" he teases, a big grin on his face as I grab his arm, playfully rolling my eyes.

Rubbing some of the liquid on his bump, I look up to find a small bump on his neck. "Hunter you got one right here." I mumble, straddling his lap softly as I move towards the bump, rubbing the liquid on him slowly.

His hands snake around my waist as his breath hitches. He softly whispers my name, earning a small "hm?" as I sit up, my eyes widening at our position. My hands lightly wrap around his neck as we stare at reach other, feeling lost in each others eyes again.

I watch as his eyes stare into mine, then at my lips. I unconsciously bite my lower lip, making him look back up at me. He searches my eyes, silently asking for permission before leaning closer, closing the gap in between us.

His arms tighten around my waist as he kisses me softly, his pillowy lips lightly pressing mine as he tilts his head. Staying in that position for a couple seconds, we slowly break the kiss, our eyes flutter open as he grins, pulling me closer.

"Let's stay like this for a while.." he whispers, rubbing my back and running his hand through my hair, pecking my lips again.

A/n: what did I just write?!?!?!? Omgomg 🙉. Hunter has had me at a chokehold ever since yesterday like- I dont think I have ever felt so FULL from hunter content. I legit spent all day giggling and simping for hunter like bro.. reject me so I could move on SOMETHING idk stop teasing me. Gimme a chance I'll treat you right I promise. I have been down bad for this boy ever since predebut/the first time I looked at him. Like its love at first sight I think I'm going crazy oh my god..

[ask-the-amph-greater-universe]

On June 1st, Antumbra’s Kiillcode spends about half the day with Antumbra. But then, around 3 PMish, he just shows up at the support group with birthday gifts for everyone. (Unofficial adoption)

For Cygnus, there is a huge soft weighted and heated blanket. All that exposed endo can’t be comfortable, so a present to make him feel more comfy. It’s custom made in Cygnus’ colors, but if he says a keyphrase (magical enchantment) it can change to a starry sky pattern or to Lunar’s palette. He wasn’t sure if Cygnus would actually be comfortable using or letting other people know about the Lunar palette, so he discreetly handed him the instructions in the birthday card.

Rigel gets a motorcycle. Everything about getting it and bringing it here was difficult. It was also manually modified using his rarely used tech knowledge from Moon to be used with four arms. And comes with a helmet fitted for Rigel’s rays.

Antares gets a magic book Killcode wrote himself, including detailed descriptions of what each spell does, the worst outcome of messing it up, the best conditions for practicing, and how to tell you’ve mastered it. His Moon memories tell him that Lord Eclipses usually steal all the magic in the world, so he figures Antares could use some actual magic training. That way he doesn’t have to rely on his damaged Star.

Black Star gets a plushie of Killcode that says phrases like “I love you son”, “I’m proud of you”, or “No matter what anyone says, you’re a good man” when squeezed. Also another hug, and Killcode saying every single phrase he loaded into that doll to him himself. Naturally this gift is given in private, he doesn’t want to embarrass Black Star.

His own Backup Eclipse gets a body. He personally built his eldest son a whole new body so he doesn’t have to keep using Solar Flare, based on the old VTuber model from og Eclipse’s October takeover. It’s not just a birthday gift, it’s also another apology for the computer thing. He’ll even let Black Star check it over to prove he didn’t add any failsafes or trackers or anything. Just a monitor that will alert him if Eclipse is in danger.

The unofficial adoption has began!

Cygnus at first doesn't show any appreciation towards the blanket. Shoving it off in his typical fashion. Although he will bring it to his room. (Which I have decided is Monty's room) where he will happily use it behind the closed curtain. It is kind of nice to have something to cover up all that endo. Plus he finds the color change enchanting. It's a cool side feature.

Rigel is overly excited for the motorcycle. Definitely not hiding his excitement at all. He is definitely ready to take it for a joyride out in the pizza plexus parking lot. In this star holder Glam Rock Freddy world there is at least wildlife still around. So he's definitely going to have some fun on the old abandoned roads.

Antares is thankful for the book. While he has some spells he memorized that utilize the star. There isn't many spells nowadays that don't use the star. He's had to leave magic mostly behind because of the damaged state of his star. With freeform spells though, He doesn't have to worry. He will tell kill code that this is a very well placed gift.

Black Star is thankful for the plushie. It's definitely something that only stays in his room and he will keep it private. But he very much enjoys to just kind of walk in there, take a break, and squeeze the plush. The hug is nice. He isn't sure how to feel about Autumbra's kill code. Given that they are not attached to Blue Moon in any fashion. He can't quite say they're ignoring him.

I'm sure Autumbra's backup eclipse will enjoy the gift. Black Star will definitely check it for any mischievous stuff. The warning of danger he leaves though. Kind of expected it at this point. He hopes the backup will let him transfer over and give solar flare his body back. Telling him it will honestly be better for his growing sentience.

[elfie4306]

Lemme infodump about the Norwegian Lundehund for a second because what we've done to these dogs is fucking crazy. First thing's first, the pronunciation, because it's a blast. Actually no it is not, the way I'd been pronouncing it was a blast but I looked it up so I wouldn't give y'all misinformation, and I was wrong. I was saying it (loon-duh-hoond), add some German-esque accent in there. But APPARENTLY it's fucking (lund-hund), both as in "punned." Which is objectively worse, and doesn't follow typical Norwegian pronunciation.

The overview:

bred for puffin hunting

six toes

SO MANY JOINTS

bendy

Toes

These guys have six toes. On all paws, not just the front. Five of them are functional, the last one is a thumb. They stand on five toes, where most dogs are only on 4. Then they have the little spur thing (apparently called a dewclaw) most dogs have. And they have eight paw pads. This all helps them grip rocks while they're hunting them puffins. (They don't hunt puffins anymore)

Joints (Toes and Neck?)

They have too many joints. The extra toe on the ground is double-jointed like our thumbs. Which I was gonna say means they're opposable but I looked it up, opposable means you can touch your thumb to your other fingers, which they cannot. Their NECKS are double-jointed. They can bend their heads backwards so that their foreheads touch their spine. What the fuck? Apparently the only other mammal that can do this is the fucking reindeer? You might ask "Why on earth would a dog need to be able to do that?" Also why would a reindeer need to do that. The second question I do not have an answer to, but the first one is so that they can twist and turn while their army-crawling their way through "puffin passages."

Stretchy

I already covered their necks, which could also go under this category. But, their shoulders are elastic enough so that they can do the fucking splits. Their front legs can perpendicularly extend out from their body, so that they can do stuff like this:

Because again, they're supposed to hunt puffins. Also, this funky elasticity means that they walk weird. Their legs swing outwards when they walk. Think of the jesus lizard but if a dog was trying to do that with their front legs. Officially it's called a "rotary gait."

Also, they can close their ears. I'm sorry, I phrased that wrong. THEY CAN CLOSE THEIR EARS??? They literally fold them hotdog style. But sometimes they fold them so hard they kinda bend in the middle burger style.

This is to keep water and mist and gross stuff out of their ears.

Jaw

They have the same jaw as an extinct fossilized dog (we have fossilized dogs?) from Russia. They just have one less tooth on both sides of their jaws (so presumably they have two less teeth). We don't know why either of them have less teeth.

Problems

Now, you'd maybe assume that the health problems with these dogs have to do with the surplus of joints they have, like I did. But no. They have numerous problems with their digestive system. They have severe intestinal disorders, and require a "high-protein, low-fat, homemade diet" and regular testing to check up on their health.

Their health issues are not the only problem. These guys are smart little fuckers that will go to any length to do what it wants and it wants alone. They do learn quickly, but not necessarily what you want them to learn, they learn how to fuck around and not have to find out. They bark at anything and everything, and are suspicious of anything and everything, taking a long time to call somewhere home. If you're gonna fence them in, they need a HIGH fence, they climb. They're literally bred to climb. Plus, extra toes mean extra ability, they will open cabinet doors and whatever else they can figure out, and like I said, they're smart.

Conclusion

This dog may as well be a fucking cryptid, and I love them. I will not be getting one, but boy did they fucking send me down a rabbit hole. Also, can we stop selectively breeding our dogs to the point their anatomy goes against nature? However I will say, it doesn't seem like these dogs have health issues because of the joint surplus thing, it's from the inbreeding which let one dog's intestinal issues become the whole breed's issues, plus some more mutations that made them worse, because that how inbreeding do.

[ketchupkio]

hey ho, op of the totk rant about the sandbox approach to totk here, i read your tags and i just wanted to add that i am german and played the game with the original japanese audio and german text, i like to call the things as the names i know them as even if i know the english version of them as well :D

i understand that you like the sonau tech stuff (personally i found it super clunky and mostly too tedious to deal with .. also i just like walking or riding around gdfhkbndj) and i get that, i totally do! and im not trying to argue against having that sort of movement in the game, but the EXECUTION of it!

like you could have achieved the same kind of movement and abilities with shiekah tech, you have all the parts from guardians, you could make flying maschines too! even more effiecient with guardian legs beign able to step over stuff that wheels get stuck on- and after zelda is in charge now shiekah tech could have been developed further again since she liked it too and wouldnt impose any rule against it, the time reversal for example could just have been the stasis rune but taken further- and if you had zelda as your companion, you could have an ability to losely attached the pieces you want to build (like with the shiekah arm prosthetic i gave link for the rewrite im doing for example) and zelda does the actual building to make it work in a quick little animation- for nearly everythign the sonau are used for the shiekah basically already had it and its driving me nuts that they instead undid it all only to .. do it again but worse o-o

sorry for the lil rant hdbksbfsbfkjd

YEAH I TOTALLY AGREE!!! The stuff that they wanted to implement could have been done much better with more ✨nuance and finesse✨ than the actual execution, and the reason given that the Sheikah tech just magically disappeared one day???? Bullshit. No one acknowledges this, and there are still Sheikah tech parts in the towers and the tech labs??? It obviously didn't ALL go away bc it's still there in those specific places. I don't know how the tech that's lasted 10,000 years up to this point, that works regardless if we take the tower warp pads as evidence, would know that the Calamity is gone and just disappear. It didn't go away once you did all the shrines, and you could argue that the monks were the last living part of it that would know if Link did it or not???

It's just. It's stupid, and very evident that the director was different from one game to the next. Totk kind of undoes the message that botw had and that just makes me angy (not to mention the blatant lore crimes that we're all going to have to work around if we wanna make the whole timeline make sense. I want to tear my hair out).

It would be better, as far as the botw shrines go, to just make them inactive. The door closes, the light goes out, the warp pad turns off. The totk shrines are plopped around because that's a Rauru thing, and they look like they're going to disappear anyway once his spirit is at rest, bc it's just a big rock, a decorative stone thing, and some sand. They're not part of the landscape like the botw shrines were.

Really, I only like the Zonai tech for the hover bike part and the steering stick applications, everything else I don't usually touch (though rocket shields are fun as a replacement Revali's gale). Like a lot of people have done really cool things with it, but I'm not those people 😂😂😂 I just have my One Thing that I use to get around scary places and it pulls left pretty hard so it's far from perfect.

The same thing could have been accomplished many different ways without introducing the Zonai. Like I would have given anything to see the Twili come back with their lore entwined with the Sheikah (bc the Sheikah probably learned how to make their stuff from the Zonai! It would make sense if the game acknowledged it).

Hahaha,,,,, I could go on about this forever tbh. My opinion on totk as a whole is: fun to play but disappointing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Now all we can do is fix it with fanfic.

Though that was a good idea on how to re implement the Sheikah stuff! If you're cool with it, I might use it :3c (not for a whole retelling of totk, just for like. Flavor in the au I'm working on bc I was already planning to ignore the botw shrines disappearing.)

[gender-gaming-and-gears]

I've pulled out my laptop to write this one lol, this'll probably be a longer post.

It started out as an obligation. It's got to be more than 3.5 years ago at this point, but I never lived for myself, I lived for everybody else in my life. And to think this was over a group of shitty friends who I walked my ass back to like a beaten dog, loyal to death in a very literal sense, looking back that person who died was a fool, but it means that I am still alive.

It never stopped being an obligation, but eventually I lived for spite. Getting left for dead by that friend group meant that I had to shape up as a person, meant I knew I had to be better, and if I was going to get fucking kicked out of that stupid friend circle then by the gods was I going to thrive, and I think half of me expected I wouldn't make it more than a week. I did, considering that was roughly 3 years ago.

I think I accidentally stumbled on my own little cure for depression in that short blip, because I found that actually trying to foster new friendships, get a handle on my filter and my actions, and process my emotions made me feel human again, even if it was out of spite. For years I felt like I was heeled at peoples feet, and despite having fallen back into those relationships since then, I realized that getting better was actually possible. The shit side of that epiphany was that I never lived for spite, I was still living for the standards of others.

I've also always been in sport, working hours every day for training and while I've always taken it somewhat too lightly, I took it as an outlet. Not improving for the standards of others, but using others as a ruler for my own standards of myself. If other athletes went some speed up a hill, I wanted to be just a little bit faster up a hill than them, etc. Training hurts like a bitch, but I made it my meditation, because even if the training hurts like hell, it only hurts a little bit each and every moment, and every hour passes a little bit faster. This kind of "meditation," even if it sounds a bit cringe in revising this writing, was something I had to force my brain to ignore somewhat, since most people (including myself) normally don't just seek out pain because it's fun. Not only is it somewhat meditative, but training for a sport is a very distilled version of chasing your goals, since there's an active hierarchy for how well you're doing, and like pursuing any goal it takes days on days of working for little moments that all add up.

Living for myself actually started with me going a little bit crazy (as well as one ex who taught me that I could be worthy of love, and that genshin players aren't all unshowered (jokes ofc)), and that was with crazy talk was between myself and the mirror. Joy above, I was talking to myself in the mirror. All jokes asides, it helped me get more in touch with myself, talking through my emotions, feeling and seeing the pain and joy splayed against my face, and it reduced all of my unfiltered and scattered thoughts into one stream of unprocessed trauma to talk about in my mirror stained with the remnants of hard water. The rest of that mirror talk was the cliché stuff, giving myself compliments and trying my hardest to believe what I was saying, trying to talk through what I thought I did well each day and thinking of how I could improve, etc. Trying to tell myself I deserved forgiveness and deserved to value and claim my life as my own was impossible, but you can't just talk to your reflection and get past that kind of trauma.

What helped me figure out how to live for myself and live for my future was to just start fucking around. I got closer to friends, wallowed in my own sadness, played video games shamelessly and without having "earned it" from a days work, kicked rocks in back alleys, read good fanfiction, processed my transition goals, and had fun. I hooked up, I hurt people, and the lesson I tried to take away from all of those times wasn't only a reflection on who I am, but first and foremost how I tried. I raced hard, trained harder, and didn't earn a single medal for my entire competition season last year, and I realized I needed to train harder, I saw the reflection in the effort of my training. Most importantly, I did the things I wanted because that's what I wanted to live for. I didn't slog through hours upon hours of social studies homework, mainly because it was in French, but also because I didn't want to do it, and I knew I'd pass better than a 50% with the grades I had, and I knew that if I tried to force myself to break my back over Shakespeare in the mental condition I was in, I'd have probably jumped back to the mental space I was in during paragraph 2.

My trauma started as my motivation to get better, but eventually it became a different but equally driving motivator to heal. My training helped me learn the effort and drive required of me to improve and progress in what I choose, and it taught me that healing would be hard, suck balls, and be long, but the time would pass anyways. My fucking around showed me what made life worth living, showed me the boons of my survival, and it was also fun to play my funny block game :]

This bit of personal brain vomit is deeeeeefinitely all over the place, but I hope it helped :]]]]] TL;DR: First I learned to improve myself, then I realized I couldn't just improve myself for others, then I realized I needed to force my brain to improve for my own sake, then I learned to listen to myself, then I realized I actually need to live the life I wanted to live, and not live as a husk of myself.

I'm very sorry to ask something like this, I've really been struggling with this question, and I wanted to ask the combined wisdom of the people on this site

I would like to know why you keep going, and what drives you to keep living. I know there are a lot of reasons to stay alive and enjoy life, I can think of a few that personally resonate with me, but I really want to know what your reasons are

You do not have to comment on this if that's too big of an ask, and I'm very sorry for asking something like this, I really need someone's help, I feel like I don't have much purpose

Also if I may ask, please don't post any suicidal ideation in the comments of this post, I really can't handle something like that right now

[incrediblygrassy]

SAMTEMBER DAY 3: COSTUMES

What am I doing?

I should be back in the States attending some party that I'm just famous enough to get into for the food. I should be home with the boys in my uniform going door to door with them so they feel awesome. I should be in bed asleep.

I should not be halfway across the globe following some lead to find the guy who almost killed me on multiple occasions.

Every time I think that I get an unfair mental image of Mr. Captain America having that kicked puppy face telling me all sorts of overly personal information about the assassin I am currently tracking across the globe. Yeah, nope. I really don't need to know how the ghost story used to view Halloween.

I was set up in a nice little restaurant on the wrong night to be in Transylvania just watching the costumes and enthusiasts run around.

Hulk number 26. Woah, a Hawkeye; that's a first. That Nat is a man. That's just wrong.

So, I might be keeping track of the superhero costumes. You can't blame me until I see a little man rocking a Falcon costume from whatever passes for a Target in whatever country I'm in.

My count was temporarily delayed as I took a swig of the light beer I ordered a while back. I might not know where i am, but, armed with a bullet-proof vest and a Stark sponsored credit card, I felt invincible and ready for whatever amazing food this country has a lot of.

What was that?

I grabbed the mug and got up before realizing that it was probably at least rude to wander off with one's mug.

I settled, chugged the last fourth as a tiny Captain America tried to tell me off in some other language, and was around the corner into the alley I saw the figure turn down.

Nothing.

Good. For a second there, I thought some crazy guy actually dressed up as the Winter Soilder for Halloween. Declassified documents and, bam, people are dressing up as Loki and the Winter freaking Soilder I swear. Like, at least you get points for creepy levels.

Great, I'm twinning with cereal killer's victims now. It's perfectly acceptable to dress up as cerial killers and slasher film stars until it was me they almost blew up into a thousand pieces. I am a fantastic councilor, I swear.

I turned around, feeling quite dumbif I'm to admit that to myself.

I then froze. There, blocking the way out of the alley, was the Winter Soilder.

It stole my breath and had my heart rate skyrocketing for all of two seconds before I caught a better look at his face.

I cracked up laughing. He didn't move a muscle.

"Dude, dude. My main man, you can't be serious. You have it down to the BDSM dungeon master top and the twelve hundred weapons, but that eyeshadow is so over the top. Like, did it blow up in your face? That stuff belongs somewhere else than the streets my friend."

When one insults custom costumes they obviously put quite a bit of effort in to, one usually reacts. I would with anger. Someone who would actually make this, honestly, spot on replica would probably try and defend themselves or walk away from the crazy drunk guy who just made sex jokes. Not this guy, though. No, he just stared at me with those bright blue eyes made even brighter by the darkness smudged all over the part of his face not covered by that mask.

I was starting to think maybe I was encountering some gay lady of the night figure when he gave the tinyest little qurirk of a smile and stepped back into the crowd.

Not even a word, but he was gone gone.

It was odd, to say the least.

Well, shoot. Do I really have to add him to the tally? The MIA fist of Hydra gets a fan costume and not me?

I'm talking to Tony tomorrow. You don't talk to drunks after three, ex-drunks after ten, and Tony only at ten in the morning after four cups of coffee.

I need a costume for next year.